Dr. Ming Wang Offers ‘Blind Trust’ Surgery
‘Your trust will see like Frist’s in only one hour!’
Dr. Ming Wang, Nashville’s self-promoting eye surgeon, announced this week that he will pioneer a new surgical technique that will restore sight to blind trusts of politicians.
He also acknowledged that he first performed the surgery on Sen. Bill Frist’s blind trust in May. Frist is under federal investigation for selling his HCA stock shortly before its value took a tumble.
“I can assure any politician who brings a trust to me: ‘Your trust will see like Frist’s in only one hour!’ ” Wang said enthusiastically. “This surgery is quick, painless and restores financial sight.”
Frist’s office declined to comment on the report that the senator’s blind trust had undergone sight-restoration surgery before the fortunately timed stock sell.
In a swanky news conference at a Hermitage Hotel ballroom only a couple minutes walk from Capitol Hill, Wang used a PowerPoint presentation to walk reporters through the new procedure, which involves using lasers to burn away layers of protection between the politician and the trust’s assets.
The eye surgeon, whose ubiquitous television commercials feature him engaging in his hobby, competitive ballroom dancing, waved away ethical concerns over the new surgery.
“I don’t want to comment on any of that, except to say that my job is to correct and restore sight, whether it’s on a person or a blind trust,” Wang told reporters. “It’s not my job to worry about what a person does with that sight once I’ve corrected it.
“There are literally hundreds of blind trusts all over this country that could benefit from this surgery,” Wang added. “No longer need they stumble along in the dark like a ballroom dancer who can’t hear the music.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read. This goes double for you, Channel 4 reporters.)
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