Unless members of the community step forward soon, this could be a meager Christmas for the bad children of the midstate, says Quentin Barnabus, admiral of the local Satan's Navy.
The SN traditionally collects bundles of switches and lumps of coal to make sure that all bratty, no-good kids have their deeds recognized on Christmas morning.
"This has really been a bad year for us," Barnabus says. "We put our Demon Trees up at all the local malls, but we are just not getting the switches and coal that we need to punish the bad boys and girls."
Barnabus, who has headed the local Satan's Navy post for five years, says he considers the lack of participation a pure failure of moral values.
"We need to send a signal to bad kids, and send it while they're young, that poor behavior will not be tolerated. They need to learn that being a brat leads to humiliation and disappointment on Christmas morning. If they wake up and have new toys and are surrounded with love and approval, what kind of message does that send?"
Last year, Satan's Navy collected more than two tons of coal lumps and almost 1,000 bundles of switches. "This year, we're not even halfway there," Barnabus laments. "Unless we can turn this around in a hurry, I just don't know what's going to happen with some of these kids. My heart really goes out to them."
(The Fabricator is satire. Don't believe everything you read.)
@Normal:(The Fabricator is satire. Don't believe everything you read.)
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