Coyotes Hire Local PR Firm
Coyotes Hire Local PR Firm
Rumors have been circulating for weeks about a pack of coyotes roving the Richland-West End neighborhood, killing cats and small dogs and generally shaking up the upscale urban enclave.
But despite frequent complaints from homeowners and the rash of missing pets, no one has actually captured a coyote, dead or alive, or even produced a picture of one. People just as easily could have been claiming that their cat was abducted by aliens, or Elvis, or both.
All that changed last Thursday when a small pack of seven coyotes flanked Nashville PR executive Simone Ammoral at a press conference, as she announced that her firm, Amorral Public Relations, had been retained to represent the feral canines.
“The coyotes are deeply disappointed that, in their first months in Nashville, they are being unfairly maligned in the local press,” Ammoral said, as the coyotes nodded in agreement. “For the record, my clients wish to categorically deny that they have had any involvement in these tragic pet disappearances, and say that their thoughts and prayers are with the families that have lost beloved animals.
“I don’t mean to play the species card here, but the notion that coyotes are stealthy nocturnal pet killers is an old offensive stereotype.”
Ammoral’s PR effort on behalf of the accused pet killers is not the first time her firm has taken on unpopular or unconventional clients. In the past, she has represented Perry March, the prime suspect in his wife Janet’s disappearance, as well as the convicted mass murderer Paul Dennis Reid and Gaylord Corp.
Her work on behalf of her new pack of clients resulted in a “clarification” in Saturday’s Tennessean, which noted that the accusations against coyotes were “so far unfounded.” But some Richland-West End residents are not convinced.
“These coyotes can hire all the PR people they want,” says John Summers, who represents the area in the Metro Council. “Coyotes came to town and cats started going missing, and my constituents smell a rat.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)
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