Confederacy of Dunces 

A weekly roundup of embarrassing behavior

Next time your kid takes the car without asking, you might want to reconsider before ratting her out to the cops.

GOP kills pro-life billSpeaking of dunces in the legislature, Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee, after agitating all session for waiting periods and informed consent before abortions, voted to kill legislation to require just that. The problem? If the Democratic bill became law, it would take away a GOP issue in this year’s elections.

Republicans Diane Black, Mark Norris, Mae Beavers, Paul Stanley and Jamie Woodson all voted to send the bill to a summer study committee. Since when do Republicans need to study whether they’re for restricting abortions? “There is nothing wrong with this bill except that it doesn’t fit the political agenda of certain special interest groups in this state,” Senate Democratic Leader Jim Kyle says.

Father doesn’t know bestNext time your kid takes the car without asking, you might want to reconsider before ratting her out to the cops. Upon waking to find his car missing, a Nashville man called police to report that his ungrateful daughter was the culprit. The responding officer warned the 55-year-old man that this was a serious crime and that if he pressed charges, his daughter would face jail time. To that, daddy dearest said, “She’s a grown girl. She knows what she did.”

Later that night, officers found the delinquent daughter, arrested her for car theft and carted her off to jail.

Feeling guilty for landing his little girl in the slammer, the father called the District Attorney’s Office a few days later and claimed he had in fact given his daughter permission to use the car. But the authorities weren’t buying it, and instead charged the dad with filing a false report for trying to change his story.

A new sex categoryA bill in the legislature that would have made it easier for sex-change recipients to get Tennessee driver’s licenses, passports and other documents died quietly last week thanks to a bizarre amendment by House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower.

Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity. The law makes it difficult for those who have undergone such surgical changes to get driver’s licenses and other documentation, because obtaining such critical documents invariably requires a birth certificate.

This year, a group of House Democrats sponsored legislation that would have dispensed with this piece of unnecessary moralizing, er, law. The Dems withdrew the bill after Mumpower attached an amendment that would have essentially created a new category of sex.

“A birth certificate can be amended with the designation MTF,” Mumpower tells the Scene, “designating male to female, or FTM designating female to male.”

Asked why Tennessee would need such specificity when no other state or the federal government requires it, Mumpower says, “I’m not a representative in any other state.”

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