Co-workers of state employee Alice Meredith say that since a one-week trip to England last month, her use of Britishisms has become an annoyance.
“She has always watched Masterpiece Theatre and read Jane Austen, so that’s not new,” says Mary Parks, who works one cubicle over from Meredith. “But this is worse—far worse.”
Co-workers say that Meredith, who has an 18-month-old daughter, has taken to referring to the baby’s stroller as her “pram.”
“The first time she said it, I was like ‘what?’ ” Parks says. “Then I got it. Two weeks ago it was a stroller, but now it’s a pram.
“Things got worse the day she was nearly hit by a delivery truck on the way to work. She spent all day telling about how the big ‘lorry’ almost killed her,” Parks continues. “When people didn’t understand what she was talking about, she would smile and correct herself and say how that was a little expression she picked up when she was in England.”
Sources say the situation came to a head at a department potluck when Meredith brought blood pudding and warm beer.
“She was, like, all offended that nobody wanted her stuff and acted like we were so provincial and backward,” one co-worker says. “I about took the Union Jack pin from her lapel and poked her eyes out with it.”
“I just don’t know what all the kerfuffle is about, love,” Meredith said during and afternoon tea break last week. “It’s really unfortunate indeed if some of my mates have their knickers in a twist about this. It really isn’t their finest hour.”
(The Fabricator is satire. Don’t believe everything you read.)