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Best Place to Avoid Driving Drunk 

West End

When, after a few brewskis, you decide you want some Taco Bell but the closest one is on West End, just call it a night. Don't drive down West End past Electronics Express. Just choke down some Krystal's or whatever's near your house. I don't care if you live behind Electronics Express. I don't care if you own Electronics Express. I don't care if you let your boyfriend drive. He's been drinking too. He'll think the speed limit is 35. But it's only 30. And though he blows a .081, he'll still get arrested. And so will you, because you own the car. You'll be handcuffed, and you'll have to listen to Puddle of Mudd in the squad car. It's called active rock, but it's really just the shittiest of shitty music—reason enough to put down the keys and sleep it off. —TRACY MOORE

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