I understand from my former colleague Clark Stovall Parsons that your Primary Holding is celebrating the 10th anniversary of its purchase by certain media dabblers and the Biz Pigs behind them. That you have survived and monetarily prospered in a market dominated by content nincompoops is hardly cause for popping the Moet et Chandon, but I know how damned emotional you Nashvillians can get, what with the complete lack of any events of real historical significance there.
Therefore, in the interest of maintaining some contact to your sentimental little venture, I have accepted your desperate plea for former underpaid associates to step forward with gooey reminiscences of Daze Gone By. Shall I oblige you with the standard package of 900 dazzling words, or are you so desperate to counterbalance the chatter that passes for content in your pages these days that you hope for 950 or 965 words?
I acknowledge your so-called deadline, but I remind you that genius works on its own time. Simply inform me as to the exact date upon which my shimmering musings must be flung into your cesspool.
It is with little sympathy that I receive the news of yet another merciless turning of your editorial revolving door. That you are now actually having to perform the only task for which Our Maker equipped you is no catalyst of sympathy here.
So you need an editor. That young Alan Bostick is a real people person.
With twinges of affection,
Editor’s note: It’s true that genius works on its own time. It’s also true that it works faster than Clark Parsons, who, under the nom de plume Addison DeWitt, penned a column for the Scene for many years called “American in Nashville.” Unfortunately, Parsons agreed to write another column for our 10th anniversary, but he didn’t make our deadline. All we got was this letter.
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