Sen. John Kerry walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Ba-dum-PAH! As you've no doubt heard by now, the Democratic presidential candidate selected North Carolina Sen. John Edwards (not the guy who talks to dead people) as his running mate. In case you were expecting the call, here's why you didn't get it:
♦ You're a Metro Council member whose main legislative focus is dog poop.
♦ You're a Metro Council member whose voice mailbox was full.
♦ You're a Metro Council member.
♦ You shot someone in an argument over butter.
♦ You're Republican, but thanks for asking.
♦ Your 950-page memoir could tranquilize a meth-crazed rhino.
♦ Your husband wrote that memoir.
♦ You spent several days hiding out in the Maury County woods.
♦ You opposed the war from Day 1.
♦ You're the bad guy in Bruce Dobie's novel.
♦ You are Michael Moore.
♦ You tried to pick up chicks at the True Love Waits rally.
♦ You are the guy who talks to dead people.
♦ You have this habit of making a really weird screeching sound in the middle of concession speeches.
♦ You are the creative genius behind White Chicks.
♦ You already lost your Joementum.