A List 

Thanks to a recently released sexual harassment claim, everyone in Middle Tennessee now knows that MTSU chief Sydney McPhee refers to his penis as a “seven wood.” Happy Holidays! Here are some other signs you’re having a lousy Christmas:

♦ You’ve been asked to broker a peace agreement between Adam Dread and The Tennessean.

♦ You arrested Steve McNair.

♦ There’s at least one type of golf club you can never use in public again. Ever.

♦ Halliburton calculated your gas bill.

♦ Your girlfriend dumps you after complaining that you just don’t stack up to her prior lover, Clay Aiken.

♦ Phil Williams has your gift receipts.

♦ Your threat level of getting a fruitcake has been raised to orange.

♦ Toby Keith either wants to kiss your ass or stick a boot in it.

♦ You’re still holding out for Dennis Kucinich.

♦ Steve Gill is on your side.

♦ You miss the warm confines of your old spider hole.

♦ You’ve been deposed by the Nashville Predators.

♦ Larry Brinton is upset at you.

♦ You’re an assistant Metro Police chief.

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