Thanks to a recently released sexual harassment claim, everyone in Middle Tennessee now knows that MTSU chief Sydney McPhee refers to his penis as a “seven wood.” Happy Holidays! Here are some other signs you’re having a lousy Christmas:
♦ You’ve been asked to broker a peace agreement between Adam Dread and The Tennessean.
♦ You arrested Steve McNair.
♦ There’s at least one type of golf club you can never use in public again. Ever.
♦ Halliburton calculated your gas bill.
♦ Your girlfriend dumps you after complaining that you just don’t stack up to her prior lover, Clay Aiken.
♦ Phil Williams has your gift receipts.
♦ Your threat level of getting a fruitcake has been raised to orange.
♦ Toby Keith either wants to kiss your ass or stick a boot in it.
♦ You’re still holding out for Dennis Kucinich.
♦ Steve Gill is on your side.
♦ You miss the warm confines of your old spider hole.
♦ You’ve been deposed by the Nashville Predators.
♦ Larry Brinton is upset at you.
♦ You’re an assistant Metro Police chief.