A List 

A group of Christian leaders are expected to meet at Legislative Plaza this week to begin plans to mail more than 2.3 million DVD copies of Jesus to every home in the state of Tennessee. Alas, we’re not making this up. Maybe they should consider sending the following items instead:

♦ Water that turns into wine

♦ Lottery tickets

♦ Condoms

♦ John Shumaker’s gas grill

Bound: The uncensored director’s cut

♦ Bill Bennett’s gambling proceeds

♦ Gaydar detector

♦ Linda Blair’s “Exorcist” line of crucifix-shaped marital aids

♦ Blueprints for building a glass house

♦ Promise Keepers’ Sex Position Manual

The Anarchist’s Cookbook

♦ Cheese pizza

♦ Winter coats

♦ Xbox

♦ Voter registration applications

♦ Detailed breakdown of Patriot Act

♦ Styptic pencils

♦ Magic beans

♦ Neosporin

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