A List 

The Nashville Scene’s sister paper, Baghdad Scene, just published its debut issue with a familiar schtick: The “You Are So Baghdad If...” contest. Here were some of the winning entries...

♦ Both Saddam and the coalition bombed your house.

♦ You still don’t know the difference between New York and D.C.

♦ Uday ruined your wedding.

♦ You shoot at coalition troops while wearing your Tommy Hilfiger shirt.

♦ Your pickup has both a pro-life sticker and a rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

♦ The Olive Garden is your favorite Italian restaurant.

♦ You want to vote Tariq Aziz off the island.

♦ They found your father in a mass grave.

♦ You voted for Saddam.

♦ When the U.S. compared Saddam to Hitler, you thought they were paying him a compliment.

♦ You still don’t think Uday and Qusay are dead.

♦ You wish Jessica Lynch would topple your statue.

♦ You’ve been gassed.

♦ You don’t hate Jewish people; you just want to wipe Israel off the face of the earth.

♦ You returned a friendly Sunni Wave to Uday as he left Mosul.

♦ You thought Chemical Ali was just really into ecstasy.

♦ You made up a story about buying uranium from a country in Africa.

♦ You think that under the circumstances, the fedayeen did a darn good job.

♦ You’re not a bigot; some of your best friends are Shiites.

♦ Your cleric’s been stoned to death.

♦ Your camel’s turn signals are broken.

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