The Nashville Scene’s sister paper, Baghdad Scene, just published its debut issue with a familiar schtick: The “You Are So Baghdad If...” contest. Here were some of the winning entries...
♦ Both Saddam and the coalition bombed your house.
♦ You still don’t know the difference between New York and D.C.
♦ Uday ruined your wedding.
♦ You shoot at coalition troops while wearing your Tommy Hilfiger shirt.
♦ Your pickup has both a pro-life sticker and a rocket-propelled grenade launcher.
♦ The Olive Garden is your favorite Italian restaurant.
♦ You want to vote Tariq Aziz off the island.
♦ They found your father in a mass grave.
♦ You voted for Saddam.
♦ When the U.S. compared Saddam to Hitler, you thought they were paying him a compliment.
♦ You still don’t think Uday and Qusay are dead.
♦ You wish Jessica Lynch would topple your statue.
♦ You’ve been gassed.
♦ You don’t hate Jewish people; you just want to wipe Israel off the face of the earth.
♦ You returned a friendly Sunni Wave to Uday as he left Mosul.
♦ You thought Chemical Ali was just really into ecstasy.
♦ You made up a story about buying uranium from a country in Africa.
♦ You think that under the circumstances, the fedayeen did a darn good job.
♦ You’re not a bigot; some of your best friends are Shiites.
♦ Your cleric’s been stoned to death.
♦ Your camel’s turn signals are broken.
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