Nashville’s Bastille Day festivities, held each year without incident at Hillsboro Village, have been cancelled because of strong post-war, anti-French sentiment. And that’s only the beginning. Here are some other ways Nashville plans to exact retribution on France or those who opposed the war.
♦ Spelling virtuoso Alex French and former Metro Council member Charles French are pressured to change their names to Alex and Charles Freedom.
♦ Attorney General Paul Summers mandates lethal injection of all French poodles.
♦ Toby Keith parachutes into Paris.
♦ Metro schools cancel French instruction and substitute curriculum in “by-God American.”
♦ Parisian’s changes its name to “Stereotypical Overseas Coward.”
♦ Students with French-sounding names are declared ineligible for lottery scholarships.
♦ The word “garage” is replaced with the less Francophonic “carhole.”
♦ Amélie gathers dust at Tower.
♦ Harpeth Hall cancels all summer educational programs in Paris and visits Basra instead.
♦ Renaissance Hotel changes its name to Rebirth Hotel, then back to Stouffer, then just “Hotel.”
♦ Bongo Java introduces “Freedom” roast.
♦ The Cajun restaurant Breaux’s changes its name to Bro’s.
♦ Belle Meade changes its name to Purty Field.
♦ LaTanya Turner decides to be known as Tanya Turner.
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