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Don Sundquist isn’t through teeing off Tennessee. The (blessedly) former governor finagled a free pass to golf at all eight of Tennessee’s state courses—even after he closed state parks amid a budget crisis. But that’s not all. Recently, the Scene learned the gubernatorial bogeyman has apparently nailed down some other retirement perks:

♦ Free TennCare to his out-of-state relatives.

♦ Lifelong exemption from any future state income tax.

♦ Phil Valentine on retainer as mandatory caddy.

♦ An expense-paid weekly grocery run to Kentucky and Georgia, with free Powerball tickets.

♦ Highways paved at state expense to his retirement home. No, wait, that was while he was governor.

♦ A state park named after his wife. Oops—he already did that too.

♦ A stake in TDOT’s secret bullion reserve underneath Love Circle.

♦ A skybox at some cool new minor league ballpark in Alabama.

♦ An Opryland river taxi re-christened the S.S. Sundquist.

♦ A commemorative urinal at any I-840 rest stop.

♦ Backstage passes to Pigeon Forge’s Louise Mandrell Theater.

♦ A collection of tour jackets, coffee mugs and bumper stickers that read: “ ’Cause the ex-governor said so.”

♦ A T-shirt that says, “Blanton was underrated.”

♦ Enrollment in a Palm Springs witness-relocation program.

♦ A qualified successor.

♦ A pair of balls.


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