A List
Ten things smarmy politicians say (and what they really mean)
“He’s a personal friend of mine, but....”
(“That son of a bitch....”)
“These are the best white beans I’ve tasted all week.”
(“Good God, I need to find a bathroom.”)
“I want to take this office to the next level.”
(“I have nothing original to say.”)
“I plan to personally ask for your vote.”
(“I still don’t have anything to say.”)
“I’m doing this because I want to be a public servant.”
(“I’m term-limited and need to find another job.”)
“From Johnson City to Memphis, people are saying the same thing.”
(“Actually, all I can see is their lips moving.”)
“I’m honored to receive the endorsement of [plug name here].”
(“He was going to run against me, but if you can’t beat me, join me.”)
“Young people are the lifeblood of the state of Tennessee.”
(“But I’m going to screw them blind with my education budget.”)
“I look forward to working with my opponent when this is all over.”
(“Rest assured that sorry weasel’s phone won’t ring for four years.”)
“I think good people can disagree on that issue.”
(“I stand firmly in the middle of the road.”)
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