A former TV reporter finds herself on a new beat
by Lindsay Ferrier
I'm driving through Bellevue as fast as I dare, with the kind of expression a deer wears as it bounds away from rednecks in camo. Glancing at the clock, I screech into a subdivision, pull up at a friend's house, and breathlessly unstrap my son from his car seat. "No time to talk!" I gasp as I open her front door and toss my squirming toddler over the threshold. "I'm volunteering in the classroom today and I'm running late!"
My friend laughs and holds out her arms to 2-year-old Bruiser.
"Ooh, you don't want to be late for that!" she says mockingly, as I run out the door.
I make it through the door of my daughter's classroom a few minutes later, with seconds to spare. "Lindsay Ferrier reporting for duty, MA'AM!" I shout. Punky's teacher looks at me strangely.
"Okay. Hello," she says, smiling. "Well, the first thing you can do is sharpen all the pencils at each of the tables."
My shoulders slump a bit. Sharpen pencils? I had pictured myself lecturing the kids on neo-impressionism, or at the very least reading Green Eggs and Ham with voices. Still, I want to keep my job.
I sharpen the pencils.
As I work, I steal glances at my daughter. Punky is busy cutting out shapes, but every few minutes, she looks up, smiles shyly and waggles her fingers at me. Clearly she's gotten the word out about my new position, because I can hear the other kids whispering that I'm Punky's Mom.
Once I'm done, I put name tags on composition books, sort and staple together homework sheets, and cut out some laminated hall art. Thirty minutes have passed. The teacher looks worried.
"You flew through that," she says. She thinks for a moment, then brightens. "I know just the thing."
She leads me over to a large cubby stocked with a dozen plastic bins. "Look at this," she says, opening one. It's filled with an assortment of Legos, wooden blocks, plastic teddy bears, pop lock toys, brightly colored tubes, and other tiny kindergarten goodies.
"These are all supposed to be in separate bins," she says, sighing, "but someone mixed them all together. Can you help?"
"I'm on it!" I say proudly. I sit down on the carpet and start organizing, becoming so absorbed in my work that I don't see the little girl until she's standing right over me.
"I did that," she says.I look up, startled. "Did what?""Mixed 'em all up," she says. I pause.
"Don't. Do it. Again," I say, smiling with all the warmth of Christopher Walken.
She laughs derisively and walks away. A few minutes later, another boy comes over, picks up one of my bins and dumps it on the floor.
"What the—" I say, then bite my lip. I begin scooping the toys back into the bin, and it occurs to me yet again how funny it is that this is what's become of me, the former TV news reporter. Once, I was interviewing celebrities and presidential candidates.
Now, I'm sorting plastic triangles.
More than a few erudite minds out there say I should be profoundly bothered by the fact that I've opted out of the workforce—that my education and talents are going to waste. They say I'm wrong. Experience tells me I'm right.
I've spent the last eight years helping raise two stepdaughters through adolescence. When they were young, they treated me as if I was the world's coolest stepmom. All too soon, though, puberty paid a visit. Before I was ready, I found myself unceremoniously booted off the pedestal they had built for me.
Ever since then, I constantly find myself in situations like yesterday, when I was introduced to one of my stepdaughter's guy friends. As we shook hands, I made a silly wisecrack, one that I thought would put everyone at ease. I was met with dead silence. Confused, I looked at my stepdaughter and saw not amusement, but horror in her eyes.
Ouch.
The beauty of my fall from teenage grace is that I know exactly what's coming with my younger kids. Give Punky time and her ardent gazes will turn into silent pleas to not embarrass her again, OMG, Mom, nooooooo.
And I will have the rest of my life to back off.
So yes, I could probably be uncovering government corruption right now, or reporting on a four-alarm fire. I could leave the child rearing to paid workers. But I think I'll stick with sharpening pencils and exchanging secret smiles across the room with my daughter.
Because I will never have enough time with her 5-year-old self.
Read more Suburban Turmoil at www.suburbanturmoil.com.
Comments (23)
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Hi there. Nice to have you back in the Scene. I do think Linda Hirshman makes some interesting points. It is troubling to me that in our culture most dads don't seem to feel the way you do, that you can't spend too much time with your five year old. I also think that you have a platform in your blog and in your other writings that might satisfy your need to connect with other adults, and even report, that your "old job" might have satisfied. Arguably, given the state of TV news, what you write about now might be more relevant, and more useful, to a lot of people's lives. I think one perspective you offer in this column, however, is how fleeting our children's childhood will be. That's something that as a relative newcomer to the mom business that is easy to forget. http://jacoblawrencenewman.blogspot.com/
Yup. Sooner than we can say "watch your mouth, missy!" our kids will be glancing at us with scorn rather than affection. You're one of the lucky ones who can soak up all the affection, every minute of the day. Well, at least before kindergarten came along and stomped it's foot upon mommy/daughter time. Still, isn't it amazing all that you get to be a part of? Toy sorting and all :)
A friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher. Based on what she has told me about her average day I would imagine that your daughter's teacher is very thankful for the help. http://not-so-deepthoughts78.blogspot.com/
One thing that has puzzled me for quite some time now is that thing that says I can be anything I want to be when I grow up. What on earth is wrong with wanting to be a mom? I think it is one of the most important jobs in the world and while I never had the opportunity to stay home with my kids, if I had had the chance, I would have been there.
couldn't agree more. i had the blessing of a flexible job that left me lots of time to be involved. and with two kids now in college, i've gone from the world's coolest mom (everybody knows you, mom!!) to please-don't-say-something-stupid mom. while my IQ has taken nose-dive in my childrens' eyes, it's okay. i wouldn't trade my time with them for any high-paid, full-time, glass ceiling-smashing job in the world. enjoy your time in the classroom. maybe next time she'll let you supervise gluing!! (that takes some real skill!!)
I think the same thing every day when I look at my 15 month old. I hug her as many times a day as I can because I know someday she won't even want to be in the same room with me. Wah-wah! The day I look forward to the most? When she has her first baby and all the little gaps from over the years finally fill in. I never realized how much I love my momma (and how amazing it is she kept me a-freakin-live until now) until I had my first! http://thegoldendrool.blogspot.com/
As usual, your column was fantastic. Often, I wonder if, when the time comes, I will decide to leave the workforce and become a stay at home mom. Your column is leading me in that direction. :)
I think most will agree with me that time spent with your children, whether one-on-one or in this setting, beats spending it with today's so-called "newsmakers." You have chosen wisely. Now kick back, buy some kazoos, and in the words of Brad Paisley "start a band." Get the Star Spangled Banner nailed down and you'll be ahead of most of the so-called singers who perform it before NASCAR races (the one exception being Clarke Louis who sings it at Pocono - they also chose wisely).
I agree--it's so important to me to be home raising my son, and I'm just thankful that I have the ability to stay home with him. www.messofpoutine.blogspot.com
Umm ... but you DO work (besides taking care of the kids). Not that I don't appreciate your point, but does it really apply to you???
Yes. I do work 10 child-free hours a week. Now imagine how much I could be "contributing to society" if I put the kids in daycare/after school care and worked 50+ child free hours per week. THE MIND BOGGLES.
I, too, left the (full-time) workforce upon the arrival of my oldest son five years ago. I transitioned to part-time, and consider myself very lucky to work nights and Fridays, when my husband can watch them. Now that oldest is in kindergarten, I completely understand what my boss said when she said not to waste a minute with them - the time goes so fast. Indeed it does. www.awesomeave.wordpress.com
I, too, left the (full-time) workforce upon the arrival of my oldest son five years ago. I transitioned to part-time, and consider myself very lucky to work nights and Fridays, when my husband can watch them. Now that oldest is in kindergarten, I completely understand what my boss said when she said not to waste a minute with them - the time goes so fast. Indeed it does. www.awesomeave.wordpress.com
I think that you have it just right, spend as much time with your kids as you can before they just dint need you as much. http://miamominaction.blogspot.com
I'm not a redneck, I do wear camo and the deer doesn't bound away. It falls over. But thanks for the sentiment.
LOL...yeah, you could be doing killer investigative reports on political sleaze, crap and corruption. But you're where you've CHOSEN to be. And you're HAPPY with the CHOICE. It's one you can make. Who cares what some other dissident thinks? You're happy. And you're right: Punky will only be 5 once. Live the dream you chose. http://skunkfeathers57.blogspot.com
Yup, classroom volunteering is about as unexciting as you describe. High points for me: listening to kids master reading and sight word recognition. Low point: Cutting out 50 reindeer noses, sets of eyes, feet, legs, bodies, and tails. Evener lower point: volunteering in 3rd grade math and successfully confusing a group of kids on some math concept. I did not go back... A friend volunteered in kindergarten and was given the ucky task of sorting through playdoh. She was told to sift out hair, grit, so that playdoh could be used again. Ewww.
wow. thanks for that. I am a stay at home mom who sometimes misses certain things about having an outside job. Mostly those things are more stuff. And I'm not trading quality time with my kids for more stuff. But even still I wonder if my abilities and education are really being used as a sahm. Thanks for reminding me that I have a few short years with my kids and bucket loads of years for employment.
AMEN! I "threw it all away" to stay home and scrape play-doh off the ceiling and I would do it again in 1/1000 of a heartbeat.
i know exactly what you mean. this morning, while thinking of work that needed to be done (around the house), i enjoyed the observations and enthusiasm of my two-year-old. i thought about what it would be like for him to be with someone else all day. i, for one, just don't want to miss the workings of his two-year-old brain. he'll be leaving me soon enough!
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