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Comment Archives: stories: News: Suburban Turmoil

Re: “Who knew pregnancy was so heavy — literally

I loved mine in Nashville! Because I cannot relax my neck for her to manipulate it I would have her use this little tapper thing instead. It did the same work but I could relax when that was used. My pelvis is always out of whack, so one leg is always shorter than the other until I get adjusted.


Posted by shoegal on 11/14/2010 at 10:40 AM

Re: “Who knew pregnancy was so heavy — literally

I probably have the same reaction to chiropractors as your dad. My grandparents swore by theirs but I hold a grudge against him- that's another story for another time. Some chiros do appear able to work magic and I'm glad that is true in your case. And that your legs are the same length!

Posted by HopefulLeigh on 11/14/2010 at 10:16 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

Pushover Parenting is too easy a label to throw around, especially by some of the people commenting here who don't even have kids. Contrary to the beliefs of some, children are not dogs. No, they are in fact are humans - and each is utterly unique, and thus respond differently to discipline. Your scary mom-stare might work on some kids, but not on others. Where do you take it beyond that? Where do you draw the line? My gut feeling is that you are speaking about the children of the group of families that make up your particular social group. Some of those kids are indeed spoiled, there is no doubt about it, but really, it's not the beginning of the end of civilization as we know it. But when you begin to look at the wider population - people of varying social/economic backgrounds, you find a pattern of general neglect of children that is far worse in the long term than the 'permissive parenting' that you find so annoying at the store or restaurant.

Posted by Inglewood Gold on 11/04/2010 at 3:28 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

It's such a never ending challenge to find balance. I totally agree that being overly permissive and refusing to set boundaries is detrimental. On the other hand, I see parents that are too controlling and dismissive of their kids feelings. I fear either option and sometimes it's paralyzing in the moment.

Posted by Joan on 11/04/2010 at 11:49 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

Wow. This has really been on my mind lately. I am definitely a pushover some of the time, and I usually regret it. But I the other day I was splitting a "no school in session" day with another working mom, and when I stopped by to pick up my son and her daughter she couldn't convince her daughter to come with me so that she could go to work. The mom was about to miss an important conference call and she wouldn't take a stand with her daughter. She finally shoved her daughter in my car and shouted "drive!" The whole scene lasted an hour. AN HOUR. I thought I was going to strangle one or both of them. KIDS DON'T WANT TO BE IN CHARGE. It's stressful for them. I wish wish wish these parents knew that, and could feel confident setting boundaries and enforcing them.

And, by the way, you can see our over-the-top Halloween activities here. I'm ashamed at how much I tried to accomplish and how tired and cranky I was as a result. Next year I'm shooting lower for sure.

Posted by knewman on 11/04/2010 at 10:31 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

seriously who knew it would be this hard. I'm starting to wish for nighttime feedings again instead of figuring out how to mold people into productive citizens.....

Posted by Caryn on 11/01/2010 at 8:27 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

Well said! I didn't know the term pushover parenting - but it sure does fit!! I realized recently that the pushover parents tend to be hyper-controlling later in their kids' lives. I also worry about not doing the perfect job; I have a tendency to over-critisize myself. Then I look at the honorable, emotionally stable men my boys are becoming - despite my obvious and glaring mothering mistakes - and am humbled and grateful that the entire outcome is NOT up to me...

Posted by Liberty on 11/01/2010 at 2:08 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

I don’t have kids and everyone says I will change my tune when I do, but I also hate the pushover parent. My parents didn’t let me get away with bloody murder and I turned out okay. If children don’t learn what consequences come with their actions then they will always expect things to go their way and let’s face it, that ain’t gonna happen, sister. It always amazes me when people don’t discipline their kids and then sit around and wonder what’s wrong with the world today, why things are so out of control. It starts at home.

Posted by natashajparker on 11/01/2010 at 12:55 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

I have a 22 year old, a 19 yr old and a 7 yr old. My older two are a BSN and a Soph. at UGA (in the journalism school). They were told no, and they are independent and thriving. Their friends, on the other hand, still live at home. Have never held a job. Don't know how to manage their time in college (if they didn't get kicked-out already) and their parents still pay their cell phone bills, car insurance and gas cards.
This year, my family went to DisneyWorld, took a 5 night cruise (where we swam with stingrays), and spent a long weekend in Hilton Head. Our friends can't go on vacations because #1, they can't afford it, and #2, they can't leave their young adult children at home alone.
Oh, and my 7 year old's pumpkin project (the one where the parents were supposed to allow the kids to do all the work themselves) was the ugliest, and obviously the only one that was actually solely done by the child. But that's fine by me! In a few years when he is away at college, my husband and I will be enjoying a nice, long European vacation. (while our friends are using their vacation days to accompany their kids to court appearances)... just sayin'
I think that today's parents aren't afraid to say no because they don't want their little precious babies to be sad or disappointed....they don't say no because it is hard to parent correctly, it takes a lot of time and perseverance, and today's parents are just too selfish to invest in their kids.

Posted by jh7 on 11/01/2010 at 8:13 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

According to Baumrind's research on parenting styles, an authoritative style, which is high on both discipline and warmth, is the way to go. It tends to lead to happy and confident children who are able to regulate their own emotions and who have better social skills. Permissive parenting, on the other hand, leads to poor regulation of emotion, low persistence in the face of challenges, and antisocial behavior.

I don't have children myself yet, but I've met a fair share of kids who expect their every whim to be catered to, and let me tell you: I am not a fan. When I do have kids, they will know that there are rules, and I don't care who sees me disciplining them. But I will also make sure they know that I love them, even when they are out of line.

Posted by Heidi on 11/01/2010 at 1:14 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

Pushover parenting is a cop out. People are doing their kids no favors. Imagine when these special snowflakes hit the workforce :shudder:

I am my kid's parent first. I expect to remain their friend and have their respect in the long term, but sometimes they don't like my rules and expectations. And that's ok, because it's my job to teach them right from wrong, and the right way to behave and treat other people. And that life isn't always fair, and you can't always have what you want.

I suppose since I really don't hang much with the parents of my kid's friend's, I don't worry about their censure. I am secure in knowing what's right for my kids. And those 'use your words, not your hands' moments I witness drive me nuts. It's not the way I was raised, and I don't see how people think this the way to deal with misbehavior, since it's certainly not effective.

Posted by Mariella on 10/31/2010 at 7:01 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

I babysat two young boys shortly after getting out of college. Their parents let them do whatever, including eating popcorn for dinner. Umm, yeah, not going to happen. During my year and a half with them, the oldest learned that if we played games together that I wasn't going to let him just win because that is what he wanted. Tantrums while out in town equaled loading back up into the car and going back home.

I might have been spanked once or twice while growing up but my parents gave me the death stare and the promise of we will leave if I acted out. I understood that I was to be quiet and behave while in church. That going out for dinner was a treat and that I was to be respectful of others around me and if I wasn't then a trip to the restroom was coming quickly.

Kids do appreciate boundaries and letting little Sammkins run amok in a store is not cute. In fact, I have had the same experience in Macy's and the mom always just looks up, shrugs her shoulders as if saying "What can I do? He just likes to march to a different beat."


Posted by shoegal on 10/31/2010 at 3:44 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

This is something I think about all the time. I'm trying to raise my children to know right from wrong but these spoiled brats don't play by the same rules. In fact, they think the rules don't apply to them. I worry that when my kids get into grade school and beyond, cheating, plagarizing etc. will be the norm. How will honest, well-behaved kids fare? Will universities start to fill up with kids who got there by dishonest means? Because being snotty at the playground at five years old will only get much, much worse - especially when they've had the tacit approval of their parents to behave like they can never get in trouble for anything. I really hope at some point society says enough is enough.

Posted by Nicole on 10/31/2010 at 12:54 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

Pushover Parents, and their spoiled offspring, drive me nuts, but I also fear that I am one since sometimes I wonder if I'm being to strict or demanding. But I totally don't want my kid to turn out like some of the kids I see around.


Posted by Erica on 10/31/2010 at 10:41 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

This is what I see everyday. I work in education, at an elementary school. Parents never want their children to experience even a moment of dissatisfaction. They want to prevent every possible failure. The result is that they are raising children who will fall apart as young adults on their own because they have never had to pick themselves up from something that does not go their way. In addition, their needs are more important than the needs of anyone else. On Friday, I watched a group of 2-7 year olds run around the back of an auditorium screaming and yelling while a dance performance was taking place on stage. Not one parent stopped them. Not one!

Posted by jjnzdr on 10/31/2010 at 8:50 AM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

Yeah, I meant in terms of importance. I think his early years were fascinating. Thanks for the tip, though. :)

Posted by Lindsay on 10/28/2010 at 9:05 PM

Re: “Don’t discipline your kid — he might be the next dalai lama

The Dalai Lama was disciplined rather strictly and sternly. Read his biography and you'll see that while in some respects he was revered as a child, he also had high expectations placed on him at an early age. His study and training as a child were more intense than western children ever receive. Maybe not the best simile to use in your article. Just sayin'.

Posted by sean on 10/28/2010 at 6:26 PM

Re: “Don't let the bedbugs bite — or end their reign of terror

When I heard about Nashville having a bad bedbug problem, I promptly felt itchy and wanted to invest in a mattress cover. So far no sightings in my house but I will remain forever on the lookout!

Posted by HopefulLeigh on 10/25/2010 at 2:06 PM

Re: “Don't let the bedbugs bite — or end their reign of terror

These bedbug stories are HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. In a way, it's as bad as losing your belongings in a fire, because it goes on and on and on for months, and I would imagine you become paranoid about where else bedbugs could be hiding and your possessions really start to lose their value in your eyes... EW.

Posted by Lindsay on 10/23/2010 at 8:58 AM

Re: “The Hoarders Method of Housekeeping

I have scheduled Goodwill to come out before, but I usually only have them come out for furniture. It seems like a waste to have them come out for a few bags of clothing. I just take that stuff in myself.

Posted by Lindsay on 10/23/2010 at 8:52 AM

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