22 Lines About 11 Records 

Slick Shoes

Wake Up Screaming (Tooth And Nail)

Do you like Blink 182 so much you wish there were another little Blink 182 for you to like? You’re in luck.

Stereolab

The First of the Microbe Hunters (Elektra)

Bleep blip, squawk squik. Laaaaaaaa.

Uncle Kracker

Double Wide (Lava/Atlantic)

My name is Unclllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle Krackkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkker, and I suck. Put Kid Rock and Everlast in a blender and dilute with toilet water.

Nashville Pussy

High as Hell (TVT)

If Skynyrd spent a week in a whorehouse listening to KISS, they would probably come up with something like this. Also, they would have to add two roadsluts to the band.

Queens of the Stone Age

Rated R (Interscope)

Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst is a vice president of A&R at Interscope Records. Apparently, he likes grunge rock.

Dusty Trails

self-titled (Atlantic)

Bum ba dee da, bum ba dee da. We used to do coke and heroin in Luscious Jackson and the Breeders; now we take Valium, lots and lots of Valium.

Apartment 26

Hallucinating (Hollywood)

For precisely 11 seconds I thought, ”Why did Hollywood Records sign such a cool electronica outfit?“ After 11 seconds, it turned into Nine Inch Nails and I had my answer.

Britney Spears

Oops I Did It Again (Jive)

Whoops. I must do laundry again.

Sonic Youth

NYC Ghosts and Flowers (DGC)

Brilliant, genius, Bukowski-meets-Metal Machine Music, godhead, essential. There’s no way I’m listening to this CD.

Mr. Oizo

Analog Worms Attack (Mute)

Trip-hop mixed with drill bits and played through vacuum cleaners. As messed up as a French puppeteer.

Le Tigre

self-titled (Mr. Lady Records)

Genius, feminist, alcoholic. Dance music for riot grrls, by riot grrls.

—Todd Anderson

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