2011 You Are So Nashville If... 

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The Contributor:

You help The Contributor sell more newspapers than Gannett. —Megan Pacella

You’ve wondered how much The Contributor pays freelancers per word. —Luke J. Schneider

You shamelessly breathe a sigh of relief when the Contributor guy is not at his regular post. —Heather Helton

You buy The Contributor just to see if you made the Society Section. —Adam Dread

You told someone selling The Contributor that you don’t need to buy the paper, but instead read it online. —Jay Yancey

You have 38 of this month’s Contributor on your car’s floorboard. —Trent Hanner

You saved your dollar because the Contributor guy didn’t look homeless enough. —Cayla Bland

Weirdies:

I.maybeeee.ithink: iam son of may,beenot the; sun;black,hole: of a bitch w/bass/turd, everyone.t.ttt... —thinks, i am, so Iam.

You have a full back tattoo of Taylor Swift and Ke$ha making out topless in front of the Country Music Hall of Fame.

You know that most, if not all, illicit exchanges of bodily fluids occur along the eponymous Dickerson (dick-her-son) Road.

You get home decorating ideas when you watch porno movies. (If this wins, I'll claim the prize with the code word "Cordell".)

Your principal took the advice of her favorite rapper, Ms. —B Havin', and said, "I don't fight. —I don't argue. —I just hit that bitch with a bottle."

You've ever been "VanCamped" (or even know what that means).

You knew your Country Music Association membership dues had been put to good use when the CMA Board fired Tammy Genovese, convinced Steve Moore to serve as CMA's interim director only with the understanding he didn't want, and wouldn't take, the job permanently, hired a New York headhunter to launch a nationwide search for Moore's replacement, ignored the headhunter's recommendations and then made Moore an offer he couldn't refuse to stay on.

In mid-slurp of your bushwacker at the midtown Brewhouse, You have warned the person to your right about how terrible their bathrooms are.

You hate the Ghost Ballet sculpture with the passion of 1000 suns exploding simultaneously. Stupid rollercoaster....

Past Winners

1989 You think our Parthenon is better because the other one fell apart. —Susan Fenton

1990 Your mayor is married and engaged at the same time. —Maralee Self

1991 You say to the person behind the counter at the Hot Stop, "We really kicked y'all's ass in that Desert Storm." Willie D. — — —Sweet Jr.

1992 You go to a Hank Williams Jr. —concert at Starwood and pass out before Hank does. —Ted W. — — —Davis III

1993 Your church congregation is referred to as "the studio audience." Sharon Kasserman

1994 You think that the H.O.V. —lane is for people with AIDS. —Paul Allen

1995 No winner

1996 You never meant to stay here this long. —Robert Jetton

1997 You've checked your flower bed for Janet March. —Terry Robertson

1998 You're the only one who doesn't know you're gay. —Diana Hecht

1999 You dig up your mom. —Rick Hagey

2000 You want to vote Brad Schmitt off the island. —Chad Tribble

2001 Your minister follows the Nine Commandments. —Ken Lass

2002 Towns you've never heard of are going to be hit by a tornado at 6:51, 6:53 and 7:01 p.m. —Rick Hagey

2003 You returned a friendly Southern wave to Adam Dread as he veered across Franklin Pike. —Cindy Parrish

2004 You need a war to sell records. —Joe Scutella

2005 Your governor gives TennCare beneficiaries McDonald's instead of health care coverage. — — —Ken Lass

2006 You were a gay cowboy before being a gay cowboy was cool. —Michael Williams

2007 You saw Kenny Chesney in a Kroger reading Out & About. —Michael Williams

2008 Your DUI arrest gets a five-star rating on YouTube. —Roy Moore

2009 Your local GOP makes the KKK look like the ACLU. —Jonathan Belcher

2010 Your city flooded and all you got was a lousy T-shirt. —David Anthony

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