2011 You Are So Nashville If... 

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The Bellevue Beaver has more Facebook friends than you. —Meredith Hunter

Your university champions intelligence, compassion, courage and faith ... —so long as it doesn't come packaged in the body of a lesbian. —Meredith Hunter

Pete Wilson is your new hero. —Heather Lose

Your local alt-weekly runs a novelty issue devoted to public transportation. —Trent Hanner

You bemoaned losing classical music on WPLN and are now bemoaning getting classical music on WRVU. —Trent Hanner

You wonder what these fairgrounds are that everybody keeps talking about. —Trent Hanner

You know that even Gail Kerr and Mary Hance will survive a post-apocalypse world. Cathi Aycock, maybe not so much. —Trent Hanner

Your Sunday school teacher works more hours than your criminal court clerk. —Meredith Hunter

You've been laid off by Gannett at least once. —Meredith Hunter

You have to leave town to buy a new book. —Tom Bailey

You hear U2 is playing Vanderbilt and think they can beat them by 10 points. —John Dotson

You secretly hoped they'd rebuild Opryland instead of Opry Mills. —Bob Roberts

You won the "Next Titan to Get Arrested" office pool. —Dylan Kinney

You have a published book but nowhere to sell it in the city limits. —Allison Lott

Your favorite taco truck is owned by white people. —michelle valenzuela

You were lying down on your couch when Fox 17 News reported Nashville ranked eighth among the top 10 least active cities in America. —Matt North

You remember when the Snowbird theme song had a bridge. —Jenny Black

You STILL think John Rich is a dick. —Traci Kidney

The phrase "Thanks, Paul" became a part of your vocabulary! Tara Adams

You get your jeans from an old gas station and your dinner from a truck. —Heather Lose

You are excited about the new convention center because you think it means Nashville will get a bigger gun show. —Mary Sack

You kinda wish Hee Haw was still on the air just so Tracy Morgan would have to apologize there. —Tim Hibbs

You miss Opryland so much that Festival Tennessee sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea. —David Anthony

Your life looks better in the Bart Durham commercial dramatization. —David Anthony

Cicadas:

You are fearless in the face of devastating floods and tornadoes, but freak out when some noisy but harmless bugs pass through town. —Christine

You assumed the identity of a cicada on Twitter. —Lance

Your pastor dusted off the "plague of locusts" sermon to coincide with the arrival of the cicadas. —Zack Bennett

You think the cidadas' first thoughts upon hatching were "What the hell happened to Opryland?" Mike Dorr

You blame Al Gore for the cicadas. —Adam Dread

WHAT?... —I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE CICADAS! —Tim Shelton

The last time you looked up a cicada online, you used Alta Vista. —Mike Dorr

You could empathize with the slew of female cicadas left standing without a mate after spending the prime of their life in the city. —Brittany Lassiter

You've been thumbing through Exodus to see which plague comes after the flood and cicadas. —Laura Rost

You'll fry a cicada up and eat it, but you'll be damned if that newfangled restaurant in the Gulch tries to put arugula on your burger. —Robin Cohn

You are more welcoming to the cicadas than the local Muslim community. —Luke Kellum

You've already decided where you're going to move by 2024. —Lesley Lassiter

Your hunting season included blue-eyed cicadas. —Will Sullivan

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