
Can I come clean for a second? When I wrote this Critic's Pick on Robert Carradine's appearance at The Belcourt tomorrow, I left out a glaring detail. I tried to play it off like my love for Carradine stemmed from my love for Revenge of the Nerds, but that's really only about halfway true. Let me just stop for a second to warn you: I am about to disclose some information that is so uncool that I used an appreciation for Revenge of the Nerds to mask it. Let that sink in.
In 1988 Carradine played the role that I will always remember him for: Maxwell, an earnest pupil at The Minnie Mouse Center for the Totally Unhip.
Lance Conzett: So, here's the thing: I like television. I'm not one of those awful people who are like "I don't even have a TV, I only read books and pretend to care about The New Yorker." But I hate paying for television because I am a poor person. Also, I don't have an antenna on my TV because I'm a lazy poor person.
Ashley: Woah, you don't have one of the converter-box things that happened a few years ago? Those were only like $30! I know you have $30. I guess my first question is this — did you grow up with cable?
Lance: Yes! I remember watching Æon Flux on MTV when I was way too young to understand what that show was about (that wouldn't come until I was like 23) and I'm pretty sure it warped my tiny little brain. What about you? I mean, about childhood cable, not borderline incoherent cartoons on MTV.

Applicants are asked to bring a recent picture of themselves (which will not be returned) and photo ID. You must be 21 years or older by March 1st, 2013, and appear to be between the ages of 20 and 24.
By the way, someone who is 20 years old right now would have been born in 1992, which was the same year The Real World debuted.
But wait, there’s more!
This season casting directors will be on the lookout for applicants who have challenges living an everyday life that most take for granted, struggling with weight issues, affected by a natural disaster, products of home or alternative schooling, followers of unrecognized or non-mainstream belief systems, elite athletes, recent graduates affected by the economic downturn, those involved with goth, emo, or punk subculture, members of a pro-abstinence organization, those who are recently single due to a tragedy, someone who has recently gotten out of the foster care system, and individuals who want to bring the spotlight of “The Real World” to a cause, condition, or social issue they care deeply about or are personally affected by.
While I’m an anorexic Scientologist foster child who was home-schooled and recently lost my partner in a tornado (we met at a “Lacrosse Players for Abstinence” fundraiser) and am active in the goth club scene in spite of being unable to find steady work as a recent college graduate and am anxious to raise awareness for my Foundation for Raising Awareness, I’ll probably have to sit this one out. At 27, I’m three years too old to audition. Even though my youthful visage and totally in your face attitude could trick casting people into thinking I'm three years younger until they ask for ID, you literally could not pay me to go to Buffalo Billiards on a Saturday, let alone for a Real World casting call. Q: Why?
My favorite bit of casting, though, is Sam Palladio as “Gunnar Scott.” Why is it my favorite? Because of the four other credits the actor has to his name, one is “Joe Strummer” and one is just “Rockabilly.” They hired an actor with this particular look for a reason, so if "Gunnar Scott" doesn’t live in East Nashville and collect barnstars, I will consider the show an abject failure.

Here's more proof that Lone Wolf Body Art majordomo and horror filmmaker Ben Dixon's festival has stepped up its gruesome game. This year's scheduled roster includes makeup wizard Tom Savini; actors Robert Carradine (Revenge of the Nerds — hey, it scared us), Tom Atkins (star of 12 Hours of Terror favorite Night of the Creeps), Tony Todd (Candyman), Camille Keaton (I Spit on Your Grave), Leslie Easterbrook (The Devil's Rejects) and Kelly Lintz (The Hunger Games); wrestlers Jerry "The King" Lawler and Diamond Dallas Page; and a small army of visiting tattoo artists and vendors. (Oh yeah — and a guest of honor who's got Gold's pulse racing over at Nashville Cream.)
No ticket information at the moment — so back to the subject of The Walking Dead. I'm glad the show has become one long study in the disintegration of society, something last week's episode seemed to accelerate by removing the show's unwavering voice of liberal humanism. (Whether that voice was a needed conscience or an irrelevant nuisance has been one of the show's most interesting ambiguities.) I also like that the zombies have become a kind of wildlife, turning up with surreal matter-of-factness in the landscape. In some ways, it's a better version of The Road than the movie version of The Road.
Tonight at 7:30 p.m., NPT-Channel 8 airs a new documentary examining how the role of Southern women was affected by the Civil War. No Going Back: Women and the War is the third installment of NPT's Tennessee Civil War 150 series, and is narrated by Mary Chapin Carpenter.
From the press release:
The mid-19th century was a white man’s world,” says Carpenter in the documentary’s narration. “Especially in the antebellum South. North of the Mason-Dixon line, the industrial revolution drew increasing numbers of women out of the home and into the factories. But in the agrarian-South, there was no such exodus. The early rumblings of the women's suffrage movement could be felt in Northern cities as early as the 1840s. However, Southerners took solace in the notion that they had somehow been able to quarantine their homes, churches and schools from the forces of modernization that was seen as a threat to their traditional way of life.”
Ann Patchett nailed her appearance on last night's Colbert Report. She calls Nashvillians smart, book-buyin' folks, tells Colbert that buying from Parnassus will keep him from turning into the Unabomber, and name-drops Jack White, Patterson House and Goat Rodeo. Watch the appearance online, or (as further protection against future Unabombing) go to Parnassus Books at 1 p.m. today for an in-store watching party.
The show airs on Comedy Central at 10:30 tonight, but just in case you miss it — or if you'd like to celebrate in a more literary fashion — Parnassus Books will be hosting a watching party for tomorrow's re-airing of Patchett's appearance at 1 p.m. Can't wait!
UPDATE: Watch the clip here.
— Steve Levitan (@SteveLevitan) February 16, 2012
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) February 16, 2012