Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Nashville Precap: Who. Will. Die?

Posted By on Wed, Dec 11, 2013 at 10:27 AM

As you can tell from the above preview for tonight's episode of Nashville, it looks like someone's gonna bite it. We've already lost one great character on this show (RIP Jolene, you are an angel watching over us now) — who will suffer at the gnarled hands of fate this time? I've listed the most pertinent characters from order of least to most likely to come to an end. Read along and share your guesses in the comments!

MADDIE/DAPHNE
You can only kill kids on medical dramas. The girls are safe.

JULIETTE
No. Just, no. That would be like killing off all four of the Golden Girls at once. Juliette is not only the strongest lead character, she’s the funniest, most dynamic part of the show. She is my North, my South, my East, my West. She is my working week and my Sunday rest. Juliette will be fine.

RAYNA
She’s already had one brush with death this season, thanks to the single-car accident she caused while totally sober.

SCARLETT
Nashville isn’t The Wire. Wallace makes it out this time.

DEACON
Alcoholism and self-pity are a frightful combination, but it seems like Deacon’s burgeoning relationship with daughter Maddie has forced him to turn a corner. Unless Teddy double-dog-dares him to a drinking contest, he’s fine.

GUNNAR
Oops I forgot to write something for Gunnar. Ehhhhh he’ll be okay. 2 Hansome 2 Dye.

AVERY
Though I frequently killed off Avery in my Season One recaps, the formerly unctuous little annoyance has magically transformed into one of the show’s most likable, reasonable characters. The only way Season Two Avery would die would be in the act of saving children from a burning building.

TEDDY
I mean, it is not outside the realm of possibility that Peggy could murder him. She strikes me as a “If I can’t have you, no one can!” kind of lady. She’s already got the pork blood hookup; I bet she knows how to source glamours poisons, too.

ZOE
It would be kinda funny for everyone Gunnar has ever cared about to die. Like his brother. Remember his brother? Me neither.

WILL
The Tragic Homosexual is a pretty overdone trope, and Will’s too ambitious for any real harm to come to him. Even if he gets stabbed in the neck during a bar fight, I’m pretty sure he’d just regenerate back to health.

LAYLA
Shot to death on the steps of the Parthenon. You can’t say there’s not precedent.

GLENN
Glenn is the only stable person in Scarlett’s entire beautiful life. Her mom’s already dead and every man she’s ever loved has been varying degrees of worthless. I don’t want to watch her suffer. Glenn should stay.

LUKE
He’s that guy that Rayna is kind of dating now. He’s probably fine. BUT WHAT IF HE HAS SECRET CANCER???

JEFF
Will Rayna hire a hit man to take out Jeff, the label head keeping her from achieving her dreams of continued stardom but on her own rootsy terms? No, but she should, and the courtroom fallout from that would be a great Season Three. Just sayin’, Lamar probably knows a guy.

BUCKY
Who?

WATTY
What?

DEACON’S GIRLFRIEND / THAT GUY AT THE LABEL WHO IS GAY AND WILL’S EX-BOYFRIEND
Why?

PEGGY
Poor ol’ crazy Peggy. She’s already got one suicide attempt under her belt (remember???), and teeters between manic and dejected on even the best of days. The only thing she cares about is having Teddy in her life, and if he leaves her on account of, you know, the lies and craziness, how long do you think she’d want to stick around?

TANDY
Tandy’s going through some hardcore Skylar White-style lie-living, and it’s definitely taking a toll. Not to mention the fact that her father is a vengeful psycho who may or may not have had a hand in the death of his own wife. What’s adding a daughter’s corpse to the mix?

LAMAR
This could go so many ways. Prison shanking. Evil black heart collapsing in on itself. Jail cell suicide as an abusive tactic against Tandy. Choking on the nutraloaf. Think about it, though: he’s old (well, TV old), barely on the show this season, and allusions to his ill health have been peppered throughout every scene involving him. Y’all have, like, watched a melodrama before, right? It’s always the person you most suspect.

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