Monday, January 14, 2013

Golden Globes Fashion: The Awards They Didn't Give

Posted by on Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 4:53 PM

Since everyone else has already handed out their best dressed/worst dressed accolades for last night's Golden Globes awards show, I've decided to single out the ladies who went totally off book for the night. You know, the ones who totally phoned it in and wore something boring, or who looked like they dug through Nana's closet (and Nana's makeup bag).

Now, I'm not saying these ladies don't look lovely — it's hard not to when you are genetically blessed and you haven't had a proper meal in years so you have .05% body fat — but we expect better. They're gorgeous, they hire teams of people to help them look incredible and they have amazing couture dresses at their disposal.

So, let's start with Julia Roberts. We love Julia Roberts. But we're on to you, woman. We know you'd rather be at home with that cute husband and cute kids, but couldn't you have at least thrown on some jewelry? Just because you bring out the girls doesn't mean that we don't notice that this dress is BORING. Did you even brush your hair? Julia, you get the Quitters Award because you wore quitters to the Golden Globes.

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Jessica Chastain. Why any woman would want to wear a dress that makes it look like your boobs are sagging to your waistline is beyond me. The color is incredible, but the cut of the dress is all kinds of wrong. Even the photobomb in the back is giving you the stinkeye. Then again, lots of other fashiony blogger types loved her Calvin Klein look, so what the hell do I know. Jessica, you get the WTF Award.

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  • Image via huffingtonpost.com

Normally I'm all about the slutty grandma look, but this just looks weird. Nicole Richie has such a pretty, boho style most of the time, so kudos for trying something different, but it just looks like she's trying too hard. The matchy-matchy eye makeup! The hot roller hair! Ugh. Nicole, we give you the Slutty Grandma (But Not In A Good Way) Award.

Speaking of trying too hard, let's talk about Eva Longoria. We all know that every lady's first rule for formal dress is that you have to choose between your cleavage or your thighs. As in, feel free to show off one or the other, but if you show off both, you look like a harlot. Eva, you get the I Hope She Waxed Award. And we totally caught you trying to cover yourself up in this pic. If you're worried that your vagina is going to make an unscheduled appearance on the red carpet, you probably have the wrong dress on.

Screen_Shot_2013-01-14_at_4.29.28_PM.png
  • Image via starcrush.com

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