Just when I thought nothing could top poo spray or V Magic cream, I received an email with the following subject line:
Where Have All The Good Girls Gone? Nashville Tops List of Cities With Least Promiscuous Women
Say what? Somebody actually took the time to research this? I read on.
My immediate reaction is that whoever conducted this survey accidentally interviewed a bunch of married chicks if they're claiming that 72 percent of Nashville women have "one or less" sexual partners each year, while the average American woman has three.
I find it hard to believe that the overwhelming majority of women in our city limits keep their legs so tightly crossed. So I trekked over to the website that claimed to conduct this survey, SeekingArrangement.com.
This is where you stop whatever you're doing and go to SeekingArrangement.com. Now.
OK, you back? Let's discuss this "leading website for mutually beneficial relationships," shall we?
This is how it starts:
Hey, should you really be casting the first stone? College is expensive.
At least this guy is upfront about what he's looking for ...
So, this is our reliable source regarding our national level of promiscuity, which appears to be at the green level (Chicago, in case you're wondering, is at least orange, if not red ... Hmmm. If one grew up near Chicago, but moved to Nashville, would said person be statistically designated as semi-promiscuous? Totally not talking about myself, by the way.)
Who did these people poll, anyway?
Wait. So they polled women who are already registered on a website in which they are trying to engage in a "mutually beneficial relationship" ... aren't all relationships, in theory, supposed to be mutually beneficial? Seeking Arrangement defines a mutually beneficial relationship as such:
Because it's natural ...
And sugar daddies are almost as old as dinosaurs ...
Not sure if you're a Sugar Daddy/Mommy/Baby? Reference the following definitions and find out for yourself:
OK. Now we're all squared away on what everyone's expectations are. So, this part of the email totally baffled me:
Would a true "good girl" (whatever that means) actively pursue a relationship on a site like Seeking Arrangement? Forget about the Sugar Daddy — what would her real daddy think?
And are they saying that it's a good thing that Nashville is filled with "good girls?" If so, then what's the incentive for a Nashville Sugar Daddy to seek a Nashville Sugar Baby if she's just going to keep her bible belt tightly buckled?
What do you think? Should we be proud, disgusted — or both — by this new ranking? Personally, I think there's an entire universe between monogamy and "mutually beneficial relationships," and I think this poll is WACK. But I guess it beats our consistent bottom-barrel education ratings ...