Can I come clean for a second? When I wrote this Critic's Pick on Robert Carradine's appearance at The Belcourt tomorrow, I left out a glaring detail. I tried to play it off like my love for Carradine stemmed from my love for Revenge of the Nerds, but that's really only about halfway true. Let me just stop for a second to warn you: I am about to disclose some information that is so uncool that I used an appreciation for Revenge of the Nerds to mask it. Let that sink in.
In 1988 Carradine played the role that I will always remember him for: Maxwell, an earnest pupil at The Minnie Mouse Center for the Totally Unhip.
Totally Minnie was a made-for-TV movie that I recently rediscovered on YouTube, and I was amazed by my ability to retain every beat of dialog. Gripping stuff like, "Nasty boys are very unhip," and "So, you wanna be hip? Don't wanna be a dip? Well, Minnie Mouse is gonna get you over it." Words of wisdom, friends.
I watched it about 100 million times. The plot line is a tweenaged Pygmalion story, except for the fact that Carradine was probably like, thirty. He was having no luck with the ladies, and called 555-4477 ("That's 555-HIPP!") to enroll in Minnie's get-hip-quick program, which is led by Suzanne Somers, Vanna White and Don Johnson. If I have to give you any details other than those to convince you that this was the best thing that has ever happened on television, we will probably never get together to talk about the virtues of striped tights, legwarmers and Hypercolor T-shirts. Maybe you are the one who should be embarrassed!
Watch the rest of Totally Minnie on YouTube, and come help me convince Robert Carradine to revisit this particular role tomorrow night at the Revenge of the Nerds screening at The Belcourt.