Thursday, March 29, 2012

Don't Go to The Real World Casting Call April 7

Posted By on Thu, Mar 29, 2012 at 1:50 PM

Are you a fan of humiliating your family? Do you dream of a future where any legitimate achievements will be an afterthought to your youthful indiscretion? Have your friends ever been concered about your alcoholism/exhibitionism? Are you ever in luck! Open casting for the 28th iteration of MTV stalwart The Real World will take place April 7 at Buffalo Billiards. It’s from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and would not at all be a waste of a spring Saturday to pay for parking and then stand around downtown surrounded by the people you hate the most, people who are exactly like you.

Applicants are asked to bring a recent picture of themselves (which will not be returned) and photo ID. You must be 21 years or older by March 1st, 2013, and appear to be between the ages of 20 and 24.

By the way, someone who is 20 years old right now would have been born in 1992, which was the same year The Real World debuted.

But wait, there’s more!

This season casting directors will be on the lookout for applicants who have challenges living an everyday life that most take for granted, struggling with weight issues, affected by a natural disaster, products of home or alternative schooling, followers of unrecognized or non-mainstream belief systems, elite athletes, recent graduates affected by the economic downturn, those involved with goth, emo, or punk subculture, members of a pro-abstinence organization, those who are recently single due to a tragedy, someone who has recently gotten out of the foster care system, and individuals who want to bring the spotlight of “The Real World” to a cause, condition, or social issue they care deeply about or are personally affected by.

While I’m an anorexic Scientologist foster child who was home-schooled and recently lost my partner in a tornado (we met at a “Lacrosse Players for Abstinence” fundraiser) and am active in the goth club scene in spite of being unable to find steady work as a recent college graduate and am anxious to raise awareness for my Foundation for Raising Awareness, I’ll probably have to sit this one out. At 27, I’m three years too old to audition. Even though my youthful visage and totally in your face attitude could trick casting people into thinking I'm three years younger until they ask for ID, you literally could not pay me to go to Buffalo Billiards on a Saturday, let alone for a Real World casting call. Q: Why?

A: Neil Forrester is currently "a British research assistant in the field of developmental disorders and language acquisition at the University of London," according to Wikipedia. Here is a clip of him getting his tongue bitten off while performing with his terrible band when he was a cast member of the little-loved London series of The Real World. Do not give your life to The Real World.

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