OK, maybe another minute in case you clicked on that mercifully SFW link.
Now that we're all acting like adults here, let me tell you about Ron de Jeremy. "Ron" of course is the Spanish word for "rum," so it makes at least a little sense to name this product after the star. As comical as some of Jeremy's films are (so I've heard), he's dead serious about his rum. Crafted by Cuban Master Distiller Francisco “Don Pancho” Fernandez, Ron de Jeremy is an 80-proof Panamanian rum that is aged for seven years. The result is a delightfully smooth-drinking rum with notes of oak and vanilla lurking behind the expected sweet sugar cane overtones. There are unexpected fruity flavors that make this an excellent rum for drinking neat or mixing in your favorite tropical cocktail. At about $30 a bottle, I wouldn't advise wasting it in a Hurricane or a Mai Tai though. Let the rum shine through.
Of course, the marketing minds behind Ron de Jeremy couldn't resist a few cheeky innuendos in the packaging for what they call "The Adult Rum." They tout its "long smooth taste" and claim that "Rons come aplenty, but only one is larger than life." The importer of the product is One-eyed Spirits, but we'll forgive their punny fun for rum this good. they also offer a nice spiced version of Ron de Jeremy that is priced comparably to Captain Morgan and Sailor Jerry, but is a little more complex in my opinion.
The extra aging in American white oak barrels and the lack of neutral spirits contributes a nice complexity of Ron Fortuna, and the finish is as long and lingering as a good bourbon. At a retail price of around $20, this is a premium rum at a bargain price and well worth seeking out. It just hit town this month, so you might have to ask around a little bit.
Recently, Captain Morgan released a version of their flagship product called "Lime Bite." I bought a bottle of it to try out, and though the spike of lime was pleasant and not as artificial as I had feared, I put pen to paper and figured that at 33 cents for a fresh lime, it didn't make economic sense to buy this instead. If you are even lazier than I am (unlikely), go ahead and get you some.
The Captain's latest release is Captain Morgan Black, is crafted from Caribbean Blackstrap rum and select ingredients, including clove spice and premium cassia bark, and is finished with double charred blackened oak. The oak aging contributes a much darker color and more full-bodied flavor than your traditional "Breakfast with the Captain." (What? I'm the only one who does that before Titans' games?)
Sweeter than most rums, and with a strong flavor of vanilla, it doesn't make as good of a Cuba Libre as some other products I've tried. The extra sweetness is a little cloying when mixed with cola, though with a Coke Zero (I know, I know ... blaspheme) it wasn't half-bad. Then I took the suggestion of mixing it with ginger ale for a more traditional Caribbean drink and discovered what I'd been missing. Even better was the Dark and Stormy I mixed with Captain Morgan's Black, which allowed the sweetness of the rum to fight it out with the gingery heat of the ginger beer and the tartness of a healthy squeeze of fresh lime juice.
As long as you don't treat Captain Morgan's Dark the same way you would a regular spiced rum, you can do some really good things with it. I wouldn't suggest drinking it alone over rocks as the dark color and slight oiliness weren't as appealing as the two rums I led this column with. But in it's place, especially in a Dark and Stormy, this could very well be a nice addition to your liquor cabinet. Just in time for summer pool season!