After asking the Bites team for a prescription for picnicking, I answered my own question while waiting in the drive-through line at McDonald's on West End. There, in a battered and faded porcine mural shrouded by a light smoky haze, was my answer: Hog Heaven.
I veered out of the McDonald's queue and into a parking spot by Centennial Park, then scuttled into the screened dining room of the barbecue shack and placed my order at the window.
Twenty-seven dollars and 10 minutes later, I had a pound of pulled pork and a six-pack of buns, two bags of Zapp's, a half-dozen ribs, a half-pint of slaw and an array of thick sauces in vary degrees of heat. While it was perhaps not the most memorable 'cue--it traveled a while in Styrofoam, so I'm not holding it up to severe scrutiny--it was enough to nourish six people with plenty of leftovers. I laid my bounty on the family picnic blanket, as proud as a lioness who had felled a zebra to feed her young.
(While Hog Heaven met my needs of volume, price and speed, it failed to live up to the expectations of my kids, who, in the end, just wanted McDonald's--like everybody else at the picnic was eating.)