Thursday, March 12, 2009
Coffee Filter Man, What Would You Do, Dude?
Posted by Carrington Fox on Thu, Mar 12, 2009 at 5:23 AM
While standing in line for counter service, I recently encountered the following restaurant-etiquette conundrum:
Just as the fresh-faced hipster in front of me reached the barista and began to place his order, another equally shiny youngster approached him. They exchanged a "Dude!" and a "Dude!" with an enthusiasm more consistent with guys who got arrested together on a bachelor weekend than with colleagues coauthoring a study on gene sequencing.
"What are you having, Dude?" the first asked, slapping the second on the back with a directional nudge that pushed him into the queue ahead of me.
"Man, hey, Dude," he replied elliptically. Then with an abrupt vocal spike, they greeted a third customer in unison: "Hey, Bro!"
"Dudes!" replied the newcomer.
"What're you drinking, Bro?" the original dude asked, inadvertently pushing me back deeper in the line.
To Dude No. 2's credit, he declined the offer to queue-cut and graciously moved to the end. Dude No. 3, a.k.a. "Bro," accepted the bump and placed his order along with Dude No. 1.
At that point, Barista No. 2 motioned to me, and I got my coffee and gluten-free coconut muffin post haste. No harm, no foul. But still, I couldn't help thinking: When you meet up with your dudes, your men and your bros--who may or may not actually know your real name--while standing in the coffee queue, do you join them, or do you move to the back of the line and catch up later...dude?
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If you're the jumper, cherish the good fortune that comes with being young and dumb and full of oblivion.
If you're the jump-ee, take on a pained look, and a shrug. Look right at the iniquitous bro and say, "Dude?"
"who may or may not actually know your real name"
I definitely chuckled at the truth behind that quote.
Well if they look anything like the dudes in the picture, all dude credibility is lost. You should revert to your inner dudeness of times past, follow them into the parking lot and whip dudes #1 and #3's asses while dude#2 stands there laughing about it.
