Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Bite Your Tongue Ethical Dilemma in Real Life: Frites on the Fritz
Posted by Jim Ridley on Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 1:00 PM
"And what will you have today?" the waiter asked. It was an infrequent visit to a nice restaurant, an ambitious, somewhat pricey new place that hasn't been open long. I had been encouraged to get whatever I wanted, so what the hell. "Steak frites," I said, pronouncing the last word "freet."
"Oh," the waiter said, "the fritz."
My companions hid behind their menus, stifling their guffaws. Turns out one had been to the place a few days before, and another server had boasted about the "scallop parizzni." The patron was mystified until she saw the word written on the menu: "Parisienne." The server later came back to identify the herb used in the (tangy, tasty) butter spread: thyme--or rather, "thigh-mm."
My reaction was mostly dismay. The server was young, eager to please, and clearly trying his best. Hey, I was a teenage busboy once for all of three days in a Murfreesboro seafood restaurant--chew on that prospect a while--and I probably garbled every dish on the menu.
At the same time, if the restaurant wants to make a lasting impression on sophisticated patrons, mispronouncing common items is not the way to do it. It's like standing up for your date all Rico Suave with the tablecloth zipped in your fly.
So what would you do:
A) Repeat the term correctly in a sentence ("Mmmm, I do love freet") and hope he catches the hint.
B) Say, "Oh, is that how you pronounce it? I always thought it was freet."
C) Discreetly correct him, and pray he doesn't show his gratitude by marinating your freet in the urinal basin.
D) Keep it to yourself.
I decided to consult the oracle: the "Dining Out Etiquette" section of John Bridges' invaluable How to Be a Gentleman website, the last bastion of mannerly conduct in a rapidly less civil world. For all the advice it offers on patron-server detente ("A gentleman expects courteous behavior from his server [and] behaves courteously in return"), this touchy topic is not addressed. "[A gentleman] knows it is not his job to provide on-the-job training for a surly server," Bridges advises. But what about a friendly, well-meaning server? That's what I hoped to find.
Ultimately, I went with D. But somehow, as happens often, I am left with the sense that no matter which course of action I chose, I would still feel like a preek.
Comments (25)
Showing 1-25 of 25
eh, it's much more fun to let them make fools of themselves.
conversely, i always loved when people would order the mer-LOT.
(snicker)
like
dislike
this happened to me at an olive garden - cannot remember the dish. perhaps gnocchi? do they serve that there? anyway, my parents went with the B route (they were asking truthfully) and she affirmed that she believed her pronunciation was correct.
"D) Keep it to yourself."
Hmm. Actually, it seems like you went with "E) Broadcast it to the world." It took one simple google search to find out where you were, but other than that, excellent vagueness!
In a region with a "LEB-nun" and a city with a "Luh-FAY-ette" street, I can't believe you're serious about making this an issue.
Mean-spirited.
I honestly don't know what fritz is, but I capable of pronouncing thyme & Parisienne. The difference is, it's not my line of work to know how to pronounce those things. It is within a waiter's line of work to correctly pronounce the menu. It would most definitely irk me if I knew a waiter was pronouncing things that bad.
I can't help how a town 20 miles away decides to pronounce itself.
Is it? That wasn't my intent. I want the place to succeed, and I want the server to keep his job. (I'm still not going to name it, Google be damned: I'd be willing to bet you're wrong, but I don't want anyone to blurt out guesses either.) But running a restaurant is all about attention to small details as well as putting out first-rate food. Are you telling me seriously that foodies don't care one way or the other how the food is offered to them, and that it won't make any impression either way?
It doesn't appear to me that any "sophisticated patrons" were present at that meal. If one has to check with John Bridges to know how to act correctly, it is obvious that it will take more than a visit to a website to correct your sadly lacking manners. Hint: making fun of another person only highlights one's own limitations. If your lunch companions were returning for another meal, isn't that the important bit of information about this restaurant? Ask those of us who dine there several times a month if an innocent mispronunciation would scare us away. No it would not!
It doesn't appear to me that any "sophisticated patrons" were present at that meal. If one has to check with John Bridges to know how to act correctly, it is obvious that it will take more than a visit to a website to correct your sadly lacking manners. Hint: making fun of another person only highlights one's own limitations. If your lunch companions were returning for another meal, isn't that the important bit of information about this restaurant? Ask those of us who dine there several times a month if an innocent mispronunciation would scare us away. No it would not!
After thinking about it for a few minutes, I'll take back the "mean-spirited."
I do think the best solution would have been a comment to the manager or an email later, though I guess it's your job to come up with blog topics that get a lot of comments. Just seems like the reaction (I especially cringed at the "my companions hid behind their menus, stifling their guffaws" bit - Really? Guffaws? You're an easy crowd) was disproportionate to the offense.
Well, "guffaws" was unfortunate exaggeration on my part for attempted comic effect: it was more an exchange of "did we hear that right?" looks subtle enough not to draw attention. I am certainly not trying to smear my dinner companions as jerks: they certainly behaved according to Bridges (whereas I knocked the tableware to the floor with a clatter).
I didn't tell the manager because I didn't want to get the server in trouble. But if our positions were reversed (and at the seafood restaurant, they were), I would want to know. I'm mortified by mispronouncing words, which I do often: I'm still grateful to the public-radio announcer who none-too-discreetly tipped me that the emphasis on "aphorism" comes on the first syllable, not the second.
But is that just me? Would somebody else be offended that if a patron pointed out the correct pronunciation? Is there a way to handle this in general? That's what I'm getting at in this post.
And if somehow someone has figured out what restaurant this is, go. I hope you get my server, because he was really good. Try the steak frites.
"I guess it's your job to come up with blog topics that get a lot of comments."
It's not that so much as it's part of my job to describe situations that other people might encounter, find interesting, or have opinions about. I didn't really expect that much controversy on this topic.
Next time I'll pick something safe, like MBA and Ensworth.
Having been privileged to dine with Mr. Pink countless times, I can assure you that any book on manners or innate graciousness could draw from his behavior. Mean-spirited simply does not apply.
Hey, I took it back!
A little bit tangentially but also sort of the same is my own issues with menu spelling errors - at the very least, computers have spell-check even if waiters don't have pronounciation-check.
For the first four months it was open, Mitchell Deli had "reuben" spelled incorrectly on the board and it almost drove me around the bend - it didn't help that "provolone" was also wrong on the same board. It didn't make me want to order it any less or affect my opinion of the actual sandwich or restaurant, but ohmygod it drove me insane. And believe me - "reuben" is spelled incorrectly on the large majority of menus in town. Now that I've mentioned it, you'll notice it too and now it will make YOU crazy as well.
mister pink is completely right in this case—if you're going to sell it, make sure your staff knows how to pronounce it.
i know i was always secretly mortified when i misproununciamated an entree or wine.
damn the french and their silent this and that.
I had a long-standing pronunciation war with a Starbucks cashier when they introduced the caramel macchiato. I cannot for the life of me remember how he insisted on pronouncing it but I would order it, and he would call the drink back to the barista pronouncing it differently from me. I took it as a personal offense most mornings and it was a crappy way to start my day. I've since seen the error of my ways on both the caramel macchiato and Starbucks in general!
I notice a lot of people here thinking Mr. Pink is being rude for addressing this issue here but I think it's a relatively common problem when dining out. And what happened to the customer is always right? Why was it not rude for the server to try and correct Mr. Pink in this instance?
Now at a fast food or quick service restaurant I'm not expecting the person taking my order to be an expert on the menu offerings but in most nicer establishments I'm expecting the server to know what they are serving. I know from being in and around enough joints so know that chefs usually present the wait staff with samples of the specials to try before the house opens for dining so that they will know what it tastes like, what's in it, etc. A good server will be able to give you more than a menu description or a name of a dish, suggest a good wine to accompany your meal, etc. Asking them to know how to pronounce the food they are serving correctly should be a given.
As someone who grew up in the aformentioned town 20 miles away, Leb-nun, I have say, I too always made fun of people who pronounced it Leb-nun after first moving there. Then I lived there for several years and realized I was one of them. I just consider the pronunciation to be a regional dialect difference.
Along the same lines, when ordering bruschetta in the US, do you pronounce it bru-shetta as 95% of the country does, or bru-sketta as is the correct Italian pronunciation?
This Leb-nun native lived in Rome for 6 months during college, so I go the bru-sketta route, and am constantly corrected by the server. Go figure.
Mr. Pink, sorry you're getting so much hell over this. I can't believe so many people think this was mean spirited. I think it's a great question. I personally would be bothered if it happened to me, and I'm not someone that considers myself "above" anyone. There have been plenty of times that I don't know how to pronounce something on a menu, and I depend on the staff to be able to do that for me. There should be a training program in place by the owners and managers to ensure that their serving staff knows the menu well, which includes knowing how to pronounce the dishes.
I probably would have gone with option B, especially if the kid was nice. I would want to help him out so he didn't embarrass himself in front of people that might not be as nice as I am!
This thread reminds me of my first time ordering a gyro. This was years ago, when they were still exotic and hard to find in this part of the country. I specifically asked the guy behind the counter for the correct pronunciation of the word. His answer? "Say it however you want to. All that matters is that you pay for it and like it."
The gyro question! It never goes away. Do you say it correctly and have everyone in LINE stare at you, or do you mispronounce and have the COUNTER guy stare. It's like a Zen riddle.
I had problems for years with "trattoria" and I worked in one. It just never felt right.
I personally go with B. I pretend like maybe I'm the one who is wrong and watch their reaction on whether I take it to another level or just leave it alone. Don't worry mr.pink!
Barbara Please - I am right there with you about typos in menus and restaurant signs. I find it equally annoying and amusing at the same time. Maybe it's the editor in me. I'm not as offended when it's a restaurant that's obviously owned by a non-native speaker. But major typos on fast food signs are another thing, like the gem I found tonight! (It's posted on my blog linked above)
I agree with Barbara Please. When I first read this post I thought it was smug city. Less so now that explanations have been made, but still...
I think the rudest thing you can do is not politely correct the person. If you can keep someone from perpetually embarrassing themselves, you should.
It's the same as when someone has food stuck in their teeth. Informing a person of a minor problem may cause mild embarrassment at that moment, but it saves them any future issues.
I think this is a uniquely southern problem. The "bless his heart" tendency keeps you from correcting someone, because that could be rude. This goes in that odd category titled "I may feel entitled to decide who gets to marry, but god keep me from doing anything rude". (I don't mean to ascribe that category to you, Jim, I'm just saying there is a cultural bias at work here to be nice uber alles.)
Personally, I cringe at every incorrect verb conjugation I hear spoken. That's a lot of cringing. We ain't never done so much bad conjugationizing as we have in these last eleventeen years or thereabouts. I also hand back menus with corrections. I am especially incensed at the mis-use of apostrophes. And that's just when someone thinks they make something plural. (Don't get me started on its vs. it's. It's an issue of its own significance and proportion.)
I'm considered 'nice people' by most, but I still hold to the ideal that most people live their lives in the hopes of improving. Tempered by any personal experience I may already have with the person in question, my rule of thumb is based on my own experience with the one set of humanity we never correct. My mother, foreign language-trained, economics degree in hand and herself from a multi-generation California grape growing family, said mer-lot to me as we tried to pick a wine. I said, in shock, "Mom, it's mer-loh." "It is? Oh, I'm so glad you told me. That would be so embarrassing !"
Look at it this way - if the server doesn't think you're right, then the problem really is higher up. But most people like their errors pointed out in the absence of authority, when it's their error. And everyone loves to know when the boss got it wrong.
as for Leb(a)non, I looked it up on the map after being shocked at the pronunciation, and I realized they were right and I was wrong. Leb-a-non is many, many miles away from here. I had the two places confused. :)
Gyro = Year-o
Caramel = both care-a-mel & car-mel
How is 'Parisienne' pronounced? What is it?
What about 'trattoria'? TRA-toria or tra-TOR-e-ya?
I used to work in grocery and people constantly mispronounced 'Italian' as EYE-talian, rather than eh-talian. Drove me bonkers.
I hate that I now have to consciously make myself say 'Lafayette' properly when referencing places/people outside Nashville.
ps. If I mispronounce something, please correct me.
I think this all explains the decline in restaurants serving French food, yes? Hard to pronounce correctly (especially with a Southern accent), and worse to try to teach someone (if you both have accents). At least with Italian there's a general rule: accent on the second-to-last syllable.
I don't know, Fluffer - we've all heard some hilarious versions of huevos, relleno, even enchilada, to name but a few, and yet the mexican places continue to replicate. Maybe French places should get on board with that order by number menu schematic, along with making sure everyone's number 12 is the exact same item.
would they also have a "rapide Richard" lunch page? Prompt Pierre? Vite Victor?
