Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Restaurants Get Out Your Pitchforks: Now I'm That Jerk with the Cell Phone in the Restaurant
Posted by Nicki Wood on Wed, Jan 21, 2009 at 7:35 AM
So I'm with my dear old friend, dawdling over a long, long lunch when the cell phone rings.
I don't have a strongly developed sense of cell phone etiquette. The phone rings, and I usually answer it. I figure I'm sitting there with an old friend. She'll understand. It's probably just a family member checking in.
Turned out, it was a sensitive but not especially personal phone call that went on for some minutes and couldn't politely be backed out of. My friend was patient, but she must have felt really awkward, first sitting nearby, trying not to listen to the call, then sitting alone when I left to finish the call.
I'm re-thinking cell phones at the table. Should I have rejected the call? Sent it to voice mail? Turned off the phone? Left the phone at home? Is there one policy that covers every one and every situation?
What about it Bites-ers?
Comments (20)
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I hate cell phones at the table. That said, I will always answer mine if it could possibly be a babysitter or school calling. I apologize in advance. But can we please declare a moratorium on texting, surfing and emailing at the table? P.S. Nicki, where did you get that photo of my phone?
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Hate them at tables. Hate hate hate. We survived for centuries without them at the dinner table; why the sudden need? Unless you're like a heart surgeon, no one can need you that urgently.
I almost severed one friendship over it, when I got up and left; if my dining partner would rather been talking to someone else, she should have invited her.
It is just plain downright rude to talk to anyone when you are with anyone having a repast.
"Hey, you've actually called me at a really bad time—if this isn't an emergency, I'm going to have to call you back."
Voilá.
I'm always worried it's the school or the babysitter, too, C. Or sometimes it's Miss Baby herself, crying, "Mom, had a bloody nose at school!" "Mom, I threw up!" The solution is to program the school's number into my phone so it shows up on the caller ID>
C, that phone was the same phone I had until recently! Loved that phone -- big buttons, just enough functions, didn't get lost in my pocket.
I hate that my phone makes you push a button labeled "IGNORE" to send someone immediately to voice mail. I feel rude pressing it and I feel rude if I don't press it.
Why couldn't it say something gentler like "prorogue?"
I usually turn my phone on vibrate (and it's not one of those that vibrates loudly). If I can tell someone is calling I almost always let it go to voicemail, unless it's a special situation, like I have a sick family member, or it's something important I am WAITING to receive word on (rare). My thinking is, if it's a true unexpected emergency, the person calling will call me more than once, or at least leave me a voicemail. If I do get a voicemail, I might step out for a bit to listen to it, and call back only if necessary. I HATE cell phones at dinner.
I hate cell phones, period, unless I'm stranded in remote desert with a busted radiator or something. And we all know from slasher movies that even then you'll be out of range.
I usually put it to vibrate at dinner. I always check it if it rings. I beg to differ with many of the folks who've suggested that no phone call is THAT urgent. My parents have had several medical emergencies in recent months, and if my guest or other restaurant patrons are offended, f@ck 'em. If it's not an important phone call, I ignore it.
CeeElCee, you don't have to hit IGNORE. If you just don't answer, it will still go to voicemail. Just turn the ringer off and leave it on vibrate.
"If it's not an important phone call, I ignore it."
I wish everyone thought this way - but 99% of the entire world doesn't abide by this; they answer any old phone call and jabber away like everyone sitting at the table is invisible or, worse, less important than whoever it is on the phone.
The worst part of it all though is that EVERYONE talks louder on a cell phone than they do in regular conversation. So if you're in a restaurant and three or four people are all on their phones at the same time, it sounds like you're at a Springsteen concert pretty damned quickly.
In my old days as a hostess, I'd walk off if someone answered their cell phone while trying to finagle a table.
The person I'm with is my priority, my focus, and has my attnetion; the call will wait. If it won't wait, they'll call again. Or text me with a 911 msg. Which I can excuse myself from the table to retrieve.
Somehow we did ok with landlines and payphones. Even as kids, we somehow got along ok not being to call our moms every moment we thought was important or necessary. And we actually figured out how to solve problems ourselves along the way. And isn't this what you talk about at dinner? Or is this the real reason families don't eat dinner together any more - there's nothing left to catch up on?
Now - my own exception to the rule - dining alone while traveling at an airport. But the onus is on me to speak quietly (with a headset) and barely, not a meal long chit chat because I'm so unevolved I can't stand a moment alone with myself.
I just wish we had commuter trains here that went somewhere I need to go. That way I could have the daily experience of feeling superior to the jackass down the car bellowing "What's that? I'm on a train!" In two years of regular Cambridge-London runs, it never failed to happen.
Get an account with GrandCentral.com (owned by Google). It is one number that has the option of ringing all of your phones that you choose (home, work, cell). The cool feature is that you can set it so that people say their name before it tries to connect to you. When you answer, you hear their name and you can decide whether to answer, block the number, send to voicemail, or actually listen to the voicemail as they're leaving it. You can also check and manage all of your voicemails online.
I feel like we're beyond the annoyance of cell phones and onto blackberries...am I that boring to my dinner companions that they can't stop checking their email for 30 minutes! I will sometimes have to answer calls during meals, and I can understand that emergencies do arise...but no one is that important that an email can't wait, especially if it's at dinnertime!
My phone is always on vibrate, other than the few days I'm on-call for work. I can't stand cell phones at dinner, texting is equally as bad in my book.
When getting ready to text during dinner you might as well look across the table and say "Sorry, you are not important enough for me to converse with."
gosh
i hope that wasn't me, relating the gross details of my latest symptoms!!!! i am mortified if so...wait, do i know you?
i was recently at lunch with a long-time friend who i dont get to see very often. i had 3-4 phone calls over the course of our lunch, that she saw me decline. however, when she got a call she picked it up immediately and was like "oh, its my dad." they proceeded to talk about what they were doing that day and if they were going to get together for dinner.... i was pissed. and then she asked me for my email and gave it to her mom who is a real estate agent who then emailed me about "getting together and talking about whats available," without my request. i thought that was rude, too.
I like to take the phone out, look at it, go "oh I don't need to talk to THEM," & hit the silence button. That way you get credit for silencing your phone, but you also get to find out who called you. It helps to say it in a really dismissive tone, as if the person who called you is 10,000 times more boring than the person you're sitting with, & you're shocked they had the audacity to intrude.
people, people, people. If it's important, they'll call back. If they don't, the slasher got them and they're dead or it wasn't important.
On the fourth or fifth time, you simply say, "My, this person is persistent. Do you think it could be important?" That way you're involving your companion in the decision after you've given them four or five examples of how much more important being with them is than the person on the phone.
