Summer Guide
Six
hundred dollars. If you’re buying guitar picks, thumbtacks or ramen
noodles, it’s a hell of a lot of money. If you’re talking shelter,
transportation or health care—well, it’ll buy you maybe a week or two,
unless you’re unreasonable enough to
want them all at the same time. Yet it’s on this somewhat arbitrary sum
that the American economy has banked its hopes, health and future. This
month, in a bizarre windfall, your federal government is handing you
$600 (of your tax money), hoping you will spend it (and pay more
taxes), thus upturning this downturn (so you can pay more taxes).
For 600 compelling reasons, this issue of the Scene’s
annual Summer Guide is (dig the hip new lingo) all about the Benjamins.
Is that money burning a hole in your pocket? Do you smell smoke in the
mailbox? We’ve scoured the city, the county and the web to find out
exactly how much—and how little—you can buy with the fruits of your
(benefits-shorn, downsized, increasingly outsourced overseas) labor. A
really good tan, or a really crappy car? A lap dance you’ll never
forget, or a pallet of Pabst Blue Ribbon you’ll never remember? Those
are the horns of dilemma, and in this issue, we honk their asses off.
Charity?
Hah! Welcome to Stimulus Summer, baby! Land of the spree and home of
the knave! This summer, it’s every man for himself, and $1,200 for the
whole family (give or take a kid). So get out your Royal CBC2000
calculator ($13.95), a VistaPrint notepad ($3.99)—and what the hell,
it’s only money, a twist-action Tungsten carbide Swiss nib Clinton Pen
($2.99)—and start spending your way to economic recovery! After all,
what have you got to lose—or to save.
Swimsuit Photos
What’s a Summer Guide without ’em?
By the Numbers
How to get the most bang for your (600) buck(s)
Bronze Ambition
For 600 bucks, a white girl can look Puerto Rican
Blue (Blood) Plate Special
Stimulate your palate with a $1,200 dinner for two
A Day at the Beach
$600 on swimwear? Why not? It's free money
Fear and Loathing in Derbyville
Blow your dough in Hunter S. Thompson's birthplace
No Recession
For those about to rock, we economically stimulate you
How to Stimulate Your Package
Go to strip clubs and ‘make it rain’
Convertible Cash
Squander your cash on something cheap and topless
Party Arty, Dude!
Wine, hors d’oeuvres and a blank canvas—what more could you want?
|
---------------------------Advertisement---------------------------
|
|
---------------------------Advertisement---------------------------
|