Suspect Behavior
I’d like to speak to your boss
After a long night of boozing last week, a suspect apparently thought it was a good idea to take a taxi to the north precinct police station, where he “demanded that Chief Serpas call him an ambulance.” Police reported the man “smelled of liquor from 5 feet away, was unsteady on his feet and tore up money as officers spoke with him.” More than $250 was found on the man, whom police determined was “obviously unable to defend or protect himself from would-be robbers.” He was arrested for his own safety.
JK
A man called 911 to report he was having suicidal thoughts, prompting police, firefighters and paramedics to rush to the scene, only to learn the caller just needed a lift. “The defendant said he did not really want to hurt himself. He then smiled and stated that he was just drunk and wanted a ride,” according to affidavits. Not amused, police gave the man a ride to jail, where he was charged with making a false report.
A chronic problem
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A guy kicking it on the corner of Cleveland and Myrtle streets at 2:45 a.m. took off running when an officer approached the intersection, which is known for drug activity. “As he ran, he pulled a baggie of green plant substance from his pocket and sprinkled the contents as he ruptured it,” the officer reported. The 29-year-old suspect didn’t make it too far before giving up. “He ran because he knew he had ‘weed’ and he was on probation,” according to police. “He said he was trying to get rid of the ‘weed’ before he got caught with it on him.”
Who me? A hooker?
Officers patrolling a stretch of Dickerson Pike that’s “known for prostitution” observed a scantily clad woman “bending over in the roadway” and “taking her shorts down,” according to police reports. When approached she told officers “she was only messing with them,” but they didn’t buy it, particularly after she “threw a hotel card key under [the] police vehicle, attempting to hide it.” The woman was booked not only for prostitution, but for working it less than a mile from an elementary school.
Near fatal attraction
A female suspect waiting outside her ex-husband’s house went NASCAR on his ass when he arrived with another woman. “The two got into an argument,” which police said took an ugly turn when the suspect “placed her vehicle in drive, and struck the victim [her ex] with her 1995 Toyota Camry.” Amazingly, the man sustained only scratches, but according to police it was obvious she struck him because the victim’s handprints “can be clearly seen on the hood of the defendant’s car.” The perp later volunteered to police that she threatened her ex’s new woman with bodily harm and that she “intended to carry through with her threat.”
A warning to bad drivers everywhere
Flipping off a fellow driver just wasn’t going to cut it for one crazed female motorist, who got out of her car in a fit of road rage, approached the victim and “began to stab him in the arm, neck and forearm with an ink pen,” according to police affidavits. The roadside assault landed the 55-year-old woman in jail for assault.