Ask a Mexican
Dear Mexican: With a scant four weeks before I cram my mochila with a few clothes for me and a horde of presents (read: bribes) for my future cuñadas, sobrinas, y mi mera suegra, I found myself terror-stricken tonight as mi novio and I watched a home video of his family doing varios
familial things like hiking to the top of a hill and battering a
Barney-esque piñata on his mother’s birthday. He will not be making the
maiden voyage with me, and while he swears to me that his lady-kin are muy amable
and great fun, I am terrified! I do know his father, and we’re great
friends. But the problem is, I have tattoos, which seem to be more
taboo in rural Mexico. At least I’m going in December, when I might
be able to hide them, depending on the weather around Christmas in
Guanajuato. Do you have any advice for a terrified, tattooed, white
American (Spanish-speaking, by the grace of God) daughter-in-law to-be
on her first visit to meet her the matriarchy of her future marido?
La Nuera Timblosa
Dear Trembling Gabacha Daughter-in-Law: Chula, you have nothing to worry about. You obviously love your guy, you’re sensitive enough toward backward Mexicans that you don’t want to offend them, and you know more Spanish than Carlos Mencia—you’ll be adentro like Flynn. Good luck in Mexico, and don’t drink the water!
The superstars of this century will be China, India and Brazil, who will crush American economic and cultural dominance. Their superstar rise will be owed entirely to a population who are willing to work without labor protests and are entirely devoted to national growth—even Africans, who are the poorest of the poor, say that the Chinese migrant workers who are extracting oil from Africa work hard, even on Sundays. Not to mention, these societies are so education-focused that they will virtually do anything to make sure their kids not only graduate from high school, but also college and graduate school.
Why doesn’t Mexico have this drive toward technology and math/science education that has virtually transformed India? India doesn’t even have the mass economy that China does, but they have billions and billions of dollars because of their brains. Mexico doesn’t produce labor other than the kind that will scrub, wash, press and cut grass. This would be okay for the first generation, but the second-generation kids in America are not even close to Chinese-American or Indian-American kids in America—have you ever heard of Chinese or Indian kids (who, by the way, don’t speak their parents’ language) dropping out of school, joining gangs or getting their teenage girlfriends pregnant? Have you ever seen Chinese or Indian kids resorting to menial labor?
Mexico has to stop with the whole quinceañera
thing and start shifting to giving rewards only on graduation day.
Mexico’s whole obsession with family values is nothing compared to the
real family values that have uplifted the entire continent of Asia.
Mexico, sadly enough, can’t even keep refining the oil it owns because
there are not enough oil engineers, geologists or mechanical engineers.
Most of all, Mexico needs to stop comparing Mexicans to white Americans
and realize that the epicenter has shifted to the East, and to
Asian-Americans, who will be this century’s employers and businessmen.
A Captain of Industry
Dear Gabacho: Glad to see a gabacho finally admit they’re as screwed in the 21st century as Mexicans are!
Send questions to themexican@askamexican.net.
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