Columns
Report to this sculpture for evaluation. The state is tired of this can-we-or-can’t-we-kill-him rigmarole, and its officials have decided to eliminate one of the roadblocks by compiling the Sane Enough for Execution Database. Here’s how it works: stand 10 feet from the Rorschach o’ Death. When you’re ready, say what you think it represents. (Don’t worry, while passersby may think you’re crazy for talking to a sculpture, the state will be exceedingly lenient.) Please do not touch the piece, as that might contaminate the process with your DNA. A hidden camera and microphone will record your reactions, and your answer of “Rooster comb beetle riding a duck-billed wishbone…with genitalia” will be given a killable score. Those in the 90th percentile will receive a certificate suitable for framing.

