Promotions
The Colonel (aka Finger Lickin Good)
I have had so many bad dates it was hard to choose which one to submit. My friends at least get a kick out of my endless dating nightmares and have taken to coming up with creative names to memorialize them by.
This little story begins with me agreeing to meet this “gentleman” for dinner, against my better judgment. One day I will learn to listen to that inner voice, especially when it practically screams, “DON’T DO IT”, however, I neglected to do that yet again. Once he had my okay for dinner I then proceed to get loads of emails and phone calls from him prior to our date, another warning sign of someone who is way to clingy. Our friendly little (and I do mean that literally, he was shorter than I was and I am only 5’3) player asked me to go to Virago’s. Since it is a favorite spot of mine, I said sure, but that I would meet him there instead of having him pick me up at my place. I have learned at least that much through these encounters. On the evening of our date, I was not feeling so well as allergy season had hit me with full force. But, being game and not wanting to be rude and cancel at the last minute (insert eye roll here) I made my way to Virago’s at the agreed upon time.
Once there we get a seat in the bar area and he orders us some wine. He then proceeds to sit right next to me, almost on top of me even, instead of sitting across from me. His excuse is that he could hear me better this way (yeah right!). I let him know that I was not feeling very well and had a headache due to allergies. He of course cannot seem to keep to himself and continually touches my arm, leg, whatever he could reach. I was ready to call it quits within the first 10 minutes but bravely hung in there. That is until he proceeds to grab my hand and looking deep into my eyes says “I can take care of that headache for you, not to worry, I’m really good.” At which point he starts to SUCK on my finger!! I do not mean a lick or kiss, I mean deep throat my finger. I was horrified and disgusted, what was he thinking?! I yanked my hand away, wiped it on his napkin, and then ran off to wash my hands, repeatedly. When I came back to the table, I made sure to sit on the opposite side. He asked if anything was wrong. I let him know that my headache was getting worse and that I was going to make it a short evening. He begs me to stay and finish dinner. Once again, our Romeo tries to convince me of his prowess, and grabs my hand and before I could stop him starts to suck my finger AGAIN! You think the first time would have been enough. He seems to think my problem is that we are being watched and I let him know the problem was him. I thanked him for dinner and left. I couldn’t get home fast enough to wash my hands and put this disaster behind me. My friends of course think the whole thing is hilarious and Erin promptly came up with a new title for him, which is now the title of this story. I now cannot pass a KFC without shuddering.