Hillbilly Logic: Legislators blame the interns for Stanley sex scandal

Now that state Sen. Paul Stanley has departed the legislature in ignominy, lawmakers are talking about the need to make changes so this kind of sex scandal never happens again. What about enacting tough new ethics rules to punish the many lecherous creeps (a.k.a. representatives and senators) who prey on young interns? Oh no, here's a better idea: Let's recruit a better class of interns!

Lawmakers are talking—not about policing themselves—but about developing a stricter screening process to prevent wily women like Stanley's paramour, McKensie Morrison, from entering the program.

Let's see, how should we word the intern application? "The qualified candidate will have sex upon demand with legislators and won't cause embarrassment afterward." And here's a sample question: "Please answer yes or no. Do you now associate or have you ever associated with anyone who might attempt to make trouble for a legislator if that legislator groped you in a public place and/or had sex with you and/or took photographs of you in compromising positions?" Yes, that should take care of it.

All this is Morrison's fault, you know. That's apparently the view of many of the egotistical hillbillies in the legislature. They're taking their cue from Stanley, of all people, who seems upset mainly because his long-running Nashville frat party has ended prematurely. When he talked to reporters last week, he never once apologized to Morrison's parents for betraying their trust. Instead, he said he wants authorities to indict their daughter, claiming she conspired with her boyfriend to blackmail Stanley over the pictures he took of Morrison.

"I think at the end of the day, those involved in this crime against me will receive their due—but in the meantime the best thing I can do is handle my personal affairs," said Stanley, as self-righteous as ever.

Ol' Fred goes off the deep end
Fred Thompson is using his radio show to sell the preposterous idea that the president and Democrats are promoting euthanasia of old people. He calls it "the dirty little secret" of the health care reform debate.

"Can you imagine the response of the American people when they find this out?" he said during an interview July 16 with Betsy McCaughey, the former New York lieutenant governor and so-called conservative health expert who's behind this scare tactic.

McCaughey claimed that "the Congress would make it mandatory...that every five years, people in Medicare have a required counseling session that will tell them how to end their life sooner, how to decline nutrition, how to decline being hydrated, how to go into hospice care...all to do what's in society's best interest...and cut your life short."

Thompson chuckled at this and said, "I've seen bits and parts of [the bill], Betsy, but I didn't know that."

He didn't know that because it's not true. All the provision would do is offer government-paid sessions with a counselor or doctor for seniors to set up a living will and make their own instructions for care should they become incapacitated.

As AARP Executive Vice President John Rother said, "Betsy McCaughey's recent commentary on health care reform in various media outlets is rife with gross—and even cruel—distortions."

Thompson should be proud of himself. He's come a long way since 1996, when he received more votes than any previous candidate for any office in Tennessee history. Now for money and radio ratings, he plays to the far-right crank crowd and helps spread lies to scare old people.

Speaking of nutty Republicans

They don't seem to care much about helping ordinary Tennesseans losing jobs, but Zach Wamp and Ron Ramsey are really eager to please gun freaks. At a Republican picnic, Wamp assumed his best Gary Cooper pose and actually said this:

"People have asked me what we'd do if President Barack Obama issued an executive order to take firearms away from the people. I'll tell you what we'd do. We will meet him at the state line!"

While Wamp promotes secession to fend off an imaginary threat, Ron Ramsey is denouncing Sonia Sotomayor as a Second Amendment sissy. He took the unusual step of putting out a statement on the Sotomayor nomination, as if anyone in Washington was waiting to hear from our state Senate speaker.

Ramsey couldn't bring himself to publicly call for Paul Stanley's resignation, except ex post facto. Yet he thinks it's oh-so-very-important to call for Sotomayor's defeat.

Ramsey declared Sotomayor is a danger to all free-thinking mortals because she held in 2009 that the Second Amendment doesn't limit state controls on guns—only federal controls. That ruling was in keeping with a 19th century Supreme Court precedent and subsequent appellate court rulings. You'd think a defender of state sovereignty like Ramsey would agree.

Why are Ramsey and Wamp talking so crazy? They're fighting over the crazy vote, trying to become the alternative to Bill Haslam, who's already wrapped up all the sane voters.

Email jwoods@nashvillescene.com.