You are so Nashville if...Winners and Contenders

Entries attributed to "UNKNOWN" were submitted without names

FIRST PLACE:Your local GOP makes the KKK look like the ACLU. Jonathan Belcher

SECOND PLACE: You drunkenly tried to order a chicken taco from an unfortunate tourist in a Winnebago. Dan McNamara

THIRD PLACE: Your minister may be a felon, but you're just happy he's not gay. Bill Mason

HONORABLE MENTION:
You think the May Town Center is proof that Nashville has officially given up on Bellevue. Ilissa Gold

The editor of your weekly alternative paper doesn't get any of the YASNI entries. Angela Guillory

You thought the Nashville Pride Festival was happening at the Bicentennial Mall. Gerri Findley

Your church's community outreach program consists of confiscating copies of the Nashville Scene. Seth Hudson

Your state legislature is straight up batshit insane. Dan McNamara

You think ordering a "shooter" in a bar has a whole new meaning. Adam Dread

You think they should take some Windex to SkyCam. Lucas Leverett

You can't tell the difference between your Steeplechase and Bonnaroo pictures. Jason Hinson

You're cool with having a black president but not quite sure about a black guy on the cover of Nfocus' Steeplechase issue. Peter Dinkel

CONTENDERS
You waited for the Music City Star at Graham Central Station. Daniel Dunn

You think the Carnival Kia family is a cult looking for recruits. James Sperring

You're working on a rhyme for "Ahmadinejad." Jimmy McCollum

You know which one is the real Melrose. John Adams

The biggest percentage of your city's 911 call center budget is spent to discourage you from using it. Unknown

The only way your band gets press is when they play with JEFF. Unknown

You thought the "tea bag" party would be at Ménages, not in front of Capitol Hill. Bret Moran

You feel like Gail Kerr and Ms. Cheap are the last two contestants on Survivor: Tennessean. Clifton Kaiser

You know the Vols had a bad year, but serving time in a Nicaraguan prison seems a bit harsh. Daniel Dunn

You wish there were an iPhone app to figure how many Xanax you can safely mix with a growler of Yazoo. Jason Hinson

You're jealous that Memphis got to do Steve Jobs' liver transplant. Lucas Leverett

You paid for your library fines with a can of corn. Michele Totty

You go to the Wildhorse Saloon to see a band whose only remaining "original member" was their roadie. Mike Bodayle

You knew God would smite Murfreesboro for rejecting Bible Park USA. Roy Moore

Your minister is on his third divorce but preaches that gay marriage is a threat to family values. Unknown

Your "dream team" for the 2012 Republican ticket is Phil Valentine and Steve Gill. Adam Mayfield

You rode the full length of the Music City Star trying to figure out which stop the audition room was at. Adam Mayfield

Your church is having an indoor fireworks display. Adam Mayfield

The Country Music Half-Marathon was the first time you puked on Demonbreun without a $100 bar tab. Ashley Weiland

You wish a dead body would be found at CMA Fest to give your music festival more street cred. Ashley Weiland

You checked your credit card statement for six months after you heard about M. Tangredi's arrest. Ashley Weiland

Your "strongly worded reprimand" to an employee who sent a racist email from your office closes with the line, "I look forward to working with you in the future." Dan McNamara

You bought your house in The Nations but sold it five years later in Historic West Town. Jason Hinson

Pith in the Wind hates you. Jason Hinson

You forgot who your mayor was. Jason Hinson

You wish Fifth/Third would make up its mind. Jimmy McCollum

You live on Nolensville Road but just drove to The Gulch to eat Mexican food. Lindsay Bergstrom

You remember when the Nashville Scene's "You Are So Nashville If..." First Prize was $250. Mark Mott

You don't understand why those Giancarlo Guerrero Nashville Symphony ads don't tell you where his Mexican restaurant is. Mike Bodayle

Vince Gill sang at your funeral. Price Justice

You hate the Kia guy and his family. Randy Smith

You hire your teachers from the sexual predator list. Robin Coltin

Your street cred is so solid even your preacher is a killer. Teresa Mitchel

You're an Area 2 snob. Unknown

MNPS left your child behind on a school bus. Wando Weaver

You had somehow hoped that Davis Nolan would be easier to look at after the digital switch. Adam Mayfield

Your local taco stand has valet parking. Barbara Lamb

You go to The Hutton just to blow-dry your hands. Beverly Levine

You think that erecting statues of two Nobel Peace Prize winners on the Capitol grounds is a bad thing. Beverly Levine

Your personal space was invaded by John McCain during the Belmont presidential debate. Jason Hinson

Your favorite swimming hole is where the Summit Tower is supposed to go. Michael Williams

Your starting quarterback sings country songs while his backup is living one. Mike Dorr

You can name all of Jon and Kate's eight kids but none of your state legislators. Adam Dread