By the Numbers

If you’ve got a thing for quantity over quality, we’ve compiled a whole slew of ways—from the charitable to the gluttonous and pleasurably immoral—that you can hack away at that $600 with a thousand little cuts instead of one big blow. We’ve already done the math. So mix and match ’em, slice and dice ’em. Eat tacos while getting waxed. Or ditch the kids and get some quality “mommy and daddy” time in front of the DVD player. After all, what good is a truckload of porn when the little ones are nagging you to fill up the plastic kiddie pool again? Get creative and spread that hot stimulus loving all over town—we know you want to.

Gorging on Mexican meat bliss: 394 tacos at La Hacienda

Working on your beer gut: 300 cans of PBR at Robert’s Western World before 6 p.m., 240 cans for those who don’t drink by daylight

Downing a hair of the dog cure after your PBR orgy: 126 Bloody Marys at 3 Crow Bar, using the cheapest vodka, of course

Having some sweaty adult fun: 114 rentals at 21 and Up Video (after membership fee)

Pawning the kiddos off on a certified professional: 85 hours at The Children’s Playroom

Attempting to keep your favorite foot fetishist happy: 13 pedicures at Magnolia

Providing hot, nutritious meals for the homeless: 312 plates at the Nashville Rescue Mission

Stocking up on hot, nutritious meals for the collegiate—or the damn cheap: 3,333 packages of ramen noodles at Kroger

Cooling off sans air conditioning: 240 popsicles at Las Paletas

Taking it off—and we mean taking it all off—for swimsuit season: 10 full Brazilian waxes at Elan

Showing off said grooming whilst steeping in a wading pool: 25 general admission passes at Nashville Shores