Public Art

Did you find the elf on your shelf during the Christmas season? He arrives this time of year (or whenever you give $30 to the store where Santa keeps him) to spy on your children and report their behavior—naughty or nice—to the North Pole. Kids seem to love him (we guess they’re not yet old enough to have read 1984). Each day the elf moves to a new perch, and your children sweep the room looking for Santa’s imbedded narc. Take our advice, kids. Next year turn the tables on our little elf friend here. Take him hostage and tell Santa you’ll let Hermie go when you get your Nintendo Wii. Raincheck our ass. Then, after Santa has paid your toy ransom, waterboard this Keebler reject until he runs screaming into the night never to return. Celebrate your restored privacy, at least until you open a MySpace or Facebook page or show up on Girls Gone Wild.