Daily Grave

The new column, Daily Grave, which ironically will run in the Living section of the paper, reportedly will bring a breathlessly shopaholic orientation to the purchase of headstones, coffins, flower arrangements and other funeral essentials.

“We’ve known for years that the obituaries are one of the best-read sections of the paper, and this is a natural outgrowth of all that reader interest in death,” notes a source in the paper’s management. “This should also attract the advertising of funeral homes, florists, cemetery plot salesmen and coffin makers—it’s a real win-win for both readers and advertisers.”

The first installment of the column, scheduled for the Dec. 22 issue, will feature a rose-colored metal coffin, which is characterized in the accompanying text as both “fashionable” and—wait for it—“to die for.”

For the project, the paper is partnering with WSMV-Channel 4, which has an older demographic for its newscasts. “In the last Arbitron ratings, 43 percent of the people watching news on Channel 4 were nursing home residents,” says a sales rep at the station. “A peppy feature on funerals is something our viewers will really appreciate.”

“In the future, we also plan to publish reviews of local ministers’ eulogies, so that our readers can make an informed choice about the quality of the send-offs offered by various clergy,” notes the Tennessean source. “We’ve also had ideas for contests for the prettiest grave site or hottest crematory.

“We want to make funeral planning as much fun as wedding planning. I would say the sky’s the limit on this—if that’s not too much of a cliché.”