The Nearest Beach

By Kay West

Joe’s Crab Shack

123 Second Ave. S. 242-2722

Open daily 11 a.m.-2 a.m.

I got the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue last week. Not that I necessarily wanted it, but it is generously included in my subscription. This year’s cover girl is Petra Nemcova, and the theme of the issue is TOO MUCH FUN, spelled out in big letters just to the left of Petra, who is pictured seductively untying the left side of her fetching crocheted bikini. I really don’t have much use for this issue, so I plan to donate it to the deserving gentlemen at my neighborhood fire hall. Just doing my little part to boost the morale of our public safety sector.

I am not, however, giving up the other issue of Sports Illustrated that arrived the very same day—providing me with just the morale boost Ineeded. On the cover was not a 20-year-old fleshpot, but five harbingers of sunny days ahead: four members of the World Champion California Angels baseball team and their manager Mike Scioscia, taking batting practice at their spring training compound in Tempe, Ariz. For me, the advent of spring training is a soul-, heart- and body-warming reminder that in less than two months the Boys of Summer will take the field, an unblemished white ball will be thrown from a pitcher’s mound, a hitter will swing a bat, the crowd will roar and, for at least that moment, all will seem right in the world again. If you ask me, that is too much fun.

Fun has been in short supply lately for a host of reasons: the economy, terrorism threats, the seemingly irreversible march to war, not to mention the weather. A quick check of the long-term forecast gloomily portends an unbroken line of rain, rain, rain and then more rain. When I checked the Weather Channel the other day, the closest place that showed any sun at all was Reno, Nev.

Much closer to home—and far more affordable—is Joe’s Crab Shack. Joe’s can’t do a thing about the weather, but if you are willing to use your imagination, it can make you feel almost like you’ve taken a little trip to the beach. As soon as I stepped from gray, wet Second Avenue through the doors to Joe’s, I started humming the theme from Gilligan’s Island.

Maybe it was all the goofy stuff hanging from the ceiling, a bounty of washed-ashore treasure. Maybe it was the laid-back beach-shack ambiance. Maybe it was the cheery, golden-oldie music playing gleefully loud on the restaurant-wide sound system. Maybe it was the casual attire of the servers, clad in T-shirts that read, “Got Crabs?,” “Peace Love and Crabs” or, my personal favorite, “Bite Me.” Of course, it might’ve been the 2-for-1 happy hour, which runs daily from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m., offering everything from ice-cold draft beers to frothy, frosty piña coladas.

Whatever it is, Joe’s is doing something right, because not too long after I arrived, I managed to forget that our rainfall so far this year exceeds Seattle’s, that we are 400 miles from the closest beach, and that the only thing I dislike more than chain restaurants are themed chain restaurants.

And make no mistake, Joe’s Crab Shack is a themed chain restaurant, part of the Landry’s restaurant family, which also counts Landry’s, Cadillac, Willie G’s, Chart House, Saltgrass Steak House, Crab House and Rainforest Café in its franchise portfolio. In fact, Landry’s—the second-largest operator of casual seafood restaurants—originally opened a Crab House in this very spot, closing it this past summer about the same time several other theme restaurants downtown closed their doors.

After an extensive renovation, the building reopened in early November as Joe’s Crab Shack. Though the restaurant is decorated just like the 100 or so other Joe’s from coast to coast—including one in Cool Springs—our Nashville Joe’s is spread over two floors, with bars up and down, and a very inviting second-floor balcony that will be open as weather permits. This particular Joe’s also offers live music 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. Thursdays through Saturdays.

Typical of theme restaurants, the menu here varies little from the Joe’s in Tulsa, Okla., the Joe’s in Norfolk, Va., or the Joe’s in Lawrenceville, N.J. It’s the execution of the company-wide menu that matters when you sit down to eat, and the meal we had exceeded my expectations.

Extensive menus are also quite common to theme restaurants, which attempt to please everybody and offend no one. Though the offerings are heavily geared toward seafood—fried, steamed, broiled, stuffed, sautéed, grilled, lemon-peppered or blackened—some steaks and chicken are a concession to anyone who gags at the thought of eating fish.