The Fabricator

Joelton: Parents’ visit prompts WD-40 use on bedsprings

Joelton man Al Clayton spent almost an hour last Thursday night carefully applying the lubricant WD-40 to the springs and frames of the bed he shares with his wife Brandy. Sources say the extraordinary attention to bed maintenance came in advance of a weekend visit from Brandy’s parents.

“This bed was making all kinds of noise,” Clayton says. “You’d just turn over, and there was all this rattling and clanging coming from the springs. I just thought it was a good idea to put a stop to it.”

Green Hills: Cruise to deny he’s gay

Movie superstar Tom Cruise, recently divorced from actress Nicole Kidman, will visit Green Hills next week to go door to door to deny rumors that he is gay. The Nashville stop is the seventh on the actor’s monthlong “Honest—I’m Not Gay” tour of cities.

Belmont: Afghan hound roughed up by terriers

Zeke, a lone Afghan hound walking near his Belmont Boulevard area home, was roughed up by a pack of terriers last week, veterinary sources say.

“We’d like to point out that the vast majority of Afghan hounds living in Nashville were born in the U.S. and have papers from the American Kennel Club,” hound breeder Eugene Guest says.

But one of the terriers involved in the incident, speaking on the condition of anonymity, denies that the Afghan was singled out because of his breed.

“Zeke is always coming into my yard, peeing on my bushes and stuff,” the small, wire-haired canine says in what some witnesses described as a high-pitched, yappy voice. “This was not a hate crime; it was more like a dislike crime.”

Antioch: Diner evacuated

The popular meat-and-three Munch Wagon diner was evacuated last week when a customer reported finding a “suspicious white powder” inside a packet of Sweet ’n’ Low. Toxicology results are pending on the substance.

(Fabricate: v. to make up in order to deceive.)