What Matters Most

The weekend is here, the sky is blue, and there is only one thing left to do: Play golf. Trying to round up a foursome, you call your former college roommate, an awesome guy. ”I can play,“ he says. ”No prob.“

You call your best friend at work. Not only does he get pumped about the whole idea; he also promises to bring along his new putter: it can open a beer bottle.

Thinking things can’t get much better, things suddenly do! The Fairy Godmother appears on a window ledge in your kitchen. ”Golfer,“ she intones, ”I want to grant you a wish. You can ask any political leader in America to join you.“

”You mean Bill Clinton can come?“ you say.

What a day it will be! The ultimate dude! The primo hombre! After all, who would really want to slouch around in a golf cart smoking cigars, talking trash, and telling dirty jokes with Al Gore Jr.? Who would want to hit balls with Gerald Ford, who would probably fall out of the cart, or with Jimmy Carter, who would probably dissect your swing? Nope, Bill Clinton is Da Man—a garrulous, golf-playing, larger-than-life, thrill-seeking guy who, seated in your golf cart on a gloriously sunny day, would be a riot to have around.

And the Stories! The Tales of Utterly Fantastic Sexual Rampage! The Sick and Twisted Plottings of an Aging Frat Boy! Things Worse Than Any College Campus Ever Witnessed!

What a day it will be! You turn to the Fairy Godmother. ”Can Vernon come too?“

According to type

The online publication Slate recently described Clinton as your basic ”alpha male stud.“

According to Slate, ”Evolutionary psychologists explain presidential philandering as an atavistic impulse left over from the early days of the human race. Natural selection rewarded men who clawed their way to positions of power with many sex partners (i.e., gave them many chances to reproduce their genes). Proponents of this theory recall ancient rulers such as the Pharaoh Ramses II and Aztec King Nezahualpilli, both of whom sired more than 100 children.

Presidents are egomaniacs.“

Yes they are. And, according to estimates, some 13 out of 42 presidents have cheated on their wives. The situation is only made worse because, as David Remnick recently wrote in The New Yorker, ”presidents are surrounded by servile sycophants who convince them they are invincible and forgive their sins, and this paves the way for sexual affairs. Men of presidential quality tend to be arrogant, with a sense of entitlement and lordly expectation. The best example of presidential bravura ever: When told of John F. Kennedy’s womanizing, Lyndon Johnson responded, åGod damn it, I had more women by accident than he ever had by design!’ “

Plus, Johnson was ugly, which made his accomplishments all the more remarkable. But that’s beside the point. The central point here is that a whole lot of folks are saying that the prez has finally let his male anatomy get the better of his brain this time around. (Or was it the last time around? Or the time before that?) As far as George Will, Bill Bennett, and the rest of the values-oriented crowd are concerned, the sacred trust that exists between the president and the electorate has been destroyed, and a presidential resignation is only a matter of time.

The truth of the matter is this: George Will and Bill Bennett are lost in space. America isn’t deeply troubled about democracy suffering as a result of Clinton’s sexual voracity. The country is highly entertained by Clinton’s proclivities, but America does not, let me repeat, DOES NOT find these proclivities to be reason enough to drag the man through the streets and throw him in the Potomac.

At last glance, the only people who were really troubled by Monica and company were those who had been enlisted to fill in the blanks in the round-the-clock televised gabfest. As I digest the situation—and I have been reading, viewing, and listening to just about everything about Monica and Bill—it is only fair to conclude that the American public could give a flip about whether Clinton has screwed around over the course of his marriage. And it may never care about such things.

Let me hasten to add that there are a number of issues related to the controversy that could sink the guy. At the top of the list would be the suborning of perjury, an extremely serious allegation. But when it comes down to the fundamental level of a president’s womanizing, America seems to be just fine with a president who commits adultery. Even a president who commits adultery more than once or twice. America has condoned such activity throughout history. And it probably will do so now.

How else does the story make any sense? Clinton is alleged to have had sex, more than once over a period of time, with a 21-year-old intern and to have lied about said sexual activity during a deposition. Then he is alleged to have encouraged said woman to lie to federal investigators about said sex. It’s also alleged that he got her a job as a reward for her lying. Meanwhile, all of this has been broadcast, ad infinitum, to the American public, amounting to what is probably the most devastatingly negative attack on a president in American political history. And yet Clinton’s approval rating is shooting higher than it has ever before.